KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Spouse, kids should see returning soldiers first

Dear Annie: Would you please send a heads-up to families whose married sons and daughters will be returning from overseas soon? My friend's husband will be coming home to a wife and three kids whom he hasn't seen much of since his deployment to Iraq a year ago. His parents and siblings told his wife that they are coming to town for his return.
We know they love and miss him, but the last thing his wife wants is a bunch of people in her house when her husband comes home. My in-laws did this to me when my husband came back from Afghanistan. All we wanted was for him to get reacquainted with me and the children, and see his newborn son.
Tell the relatives to think before they jump in to reunite. The returning service members need time with their own families first. Army Wife Who's Been There
Dear Army Wife: It's hard for parents and siblings to delay seeing their loved ones, especially since the service members have been gone such a long time and the family has been worried sick. Nonetheless, it is overwhelming to be surrounded by well-meaning but intrusive relatives. Our service members need time to adjust to the change in their environment and a few moments of calm with their spouses and children before the rest of the family descends.
Parents, as difficult as it is, please ask when you should visit, before assuming your presence is immediately welcome. And spouses, remember that Mom and Dad are eager to see their child. Don't make them wait too long.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have a small circle of friends. One gal in particular (I'll call her "June") is not well-liked by the rest of the group, but we put up with her because everyone enjoys her husband's company.
Last year, June had a major disagreement with one of the other wives, "Barb," and has since refused to speak to her or her husband. This isn't the first time June has caused a rift. She had a disagreement with another couple, and they still do not speak to one another. This obvious ill-will puts the rest of us in an uncomfortable position, and as a result, we no longer can have the entire group together for a gathering.
Barb is willing to let bygones be bygones, but June will not budge. June's husband has chosen to give Barb the silent treatment, too, but I'm certain he is doing it out of loyalty to his wife and misses the friendship.
The rest of us have tried to reason with June, but it hasn't worked. We think she is being childish and rude. Is there anything we can do? Friend Problem in Washington, D.C.
Dear D.C.: You cannot force June to be a kinder person. And as much as you like her husband, unless he is willing to work on his wife's unforgiving attitude, you will have to exclude both of them from gatherings with Barb, and perhaps with others as well. Consider this an incentive to widen your social circle and associate with people who are mature enough to set aside their differences for the sake of friendship.
Dear Annie: I am divorced, and my ex-wife recently became engaged to another man. Is it OK to ask her to return the engagement ring I gave her? I feel she has no need for two engagement rings, and if things ever progress with the lady I am currently seeing, I could reset that ring and use it again.
Is this a reasonable request? Caught Between a Rock
Dear Rock: Once your wife married you, the ring became hers, especially if you did not mention it in the divorce settlement. Unless it is a family heirloom, it would be in poor taste to ask for its return. Also, your lady friend would probably appreciate an engagement ring that did not have your ex-wife's history attached to it.
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