ANNIE'S MAILBOX Former in-laws upset over her relationship

Dear Annie: My husband committed suicide well over a year ago. I have no answers why. I thought we had a good life with my two daughters from a previous marriage. At first I was angry and bewildered, but I grieved and went on. I recently began dating a man who is a friend of my husband's family. I should say "was" a friend. My in-laws have chosen to disown me, saying my dating so soon is disrespectful to my late husband's memory. I can live with their decision, even though it is painful.
The problem is mostly my father-in-law. He has removed everything I put on my husband's grave, including flowers and notes. Dad says he will continue to remove whatever I put there. This hurts my daughters and me. I am absolutely distraught over this and don't know how to handle the situation.
Just because I choose to move forward with my life doesn't mean that I no longer love my husband. I simply cannot live on memories alone, and it's not as if I left my husband for someone else. My in-laws say they paid for the gravesite and they can do as they please. How can I fix this? Still Grieving in Louisville, Ky.
Dear Louisville: How sad that your father-in-law wants to punish you by denying you expressions of love at your husband's grave. Your in-laws obviously cannot forgive you for trying to be happy when they are still grief-stricken and bitter.
The amount of time spent in mourning can be quite different for spouses than it is for parents. Try talking to your in-laws, assuring them that you loved their son, you will never forget him and you miss the closeness you once had with his family. If they won't listen to you, enlist the assistance of a grief counselor who might help them understand that cutting you off will not ease their pain. You need one another.
Dear Annie: My husband's siblings are driving me nuts. For their parents' birthday and holiday gifts, his siblings select something they like and send us a bill for our share. The last one was $150 for Mom's birthday.
The siblings never consider that their choices may be too expensive for us. We always contribute because it is my husband's parents, but I can't stand it any longer. Help me find a way out that won't cause a major war. Sister-in-Law in Ft. Wayne, Ind.
Dear Ft. Wayne: How does your husband feel about this? If he also objects, ask him to discuss the situation with his siblings and request a limit on spending. It's best if he deals with them directly, but if he cannot work up the gumption to do so, feel free to talk to them on your own and explain the dilemma.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the letters about short men. I'm a bit vertically challenged for a guy at 5 feet 3.76 inches (rounded up to 5 feet 4). I attended graduate school in a small town out in the boonies. Great scenery, but a little short on short women (or any women, for that matter). When I returned home, I started dating, but there were mighty slim pickings, so I hit the Internet.
It quickly became apparent that most of the singles ads were either non-serious or non-women. However, after three months, I found "Bee." Her stats said 5 feet, no inches, but later, she said her height was not quite correct. I spent the next 12 hours in a panic until Bee wrote that she really was 4 feet 11.
That was three years ago, and our 20-month-old son is playing cars under my chair as I type. Those two people are the best things that ever happened in my adult life. I send this to provide encouragement for all short guys out there. Ed
Dear Ed: Your words will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for demonstrating that the right person is out there if you look in enough places.
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