KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She doesn't want young son in men's room alone

Dear Annie: My two sons, ages 3 and 4, always use the women's restroom with me in public places. However, my 4-year-old insists that he is a "big boy" and can use the men's room by himself.
I am not comfortable with this and will not allow him to use the men's room alone. So tell me, how much longer can I take my boys with me into the women's room without making the other patrons feel uncomfortable? Dover, N.H.
Dear Dover: Since women use individual stalls, you can continue taking your sons with you until you think they are old enough to use the men's room alone, say age 7 or 8. Most bathroom customers are quite understanding about this. Men have similar problems when bringing their young daughters into the men's room.
You also can look for bathrooms that are unisex, or you can ask a salesperson to escort your child to the proper restroom. Stand outside the door in case there is a problem, and if things take longer than you think necessary, shout a warning and then go in and check.
Dear Annie: I am an ordained minister in a mainline church, having graduated from a nationally accredited seminary. I always cringe when someone suggests a person go to a minister for counseling. I took the required number of courses in counseling, but lay pastors and even some ordained pastors have little training.
My seminary advised us to ascertain the depth of the problem brought to us, and if we did not think we could substantially improve the situation in no more than three counseling sessions, to refer the person to a professional counselor.
With few exceptions, we ministers have no more business counseling people than the barber. Our training is theological and spiritual, and we can be good at helping people mature their faith. Please send troubled people to their pastor only for spiritual help, prayer, forgiveness, assurance of God's love, or for referrals to real counselors. Thank you for putting the word out. Anonymous Minister
Dear Minister: Some people are more apt to listen to a spiritual adviser than a professional counselor. Often, a consoling shoulder and gentle guidance open doors that have been shut for years. And since you can refer them to "real counselors," you provide a true service to those who otherwise would not get any help at all. You do more good than you know.
Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I recently attended a dinner party with three other couples and a guest of honor who gave a talk about a trip he had taken.
After his speech, we sat down to dinner. The guest of honor sat at one end of the table, and I was at the other. He expected to continue to be the center of attention, and when he wasn't talking about himself, he was discussing people and places I was unfamiliar with.
Since I could not contribute to his monologue, I made conversation with the woman sitting beside me. It turned out we had mutual friends, so we spoke quietly for a few minutes. When the guest of honor noticed we weren't fixated on his every word, he made a snide comment about "old home week," which obviously was intended to shut us up.
Needless to say, a good time was not had by all. While my girlfriend appreciated that I didn't make a scene, I'm not sure I handled it right. What should I do if it happens again? California Guy
Dear Guy: A small dinner party should not be monopolized by one guest, and the hosts have the responsibility of seating people near others with whom they will enjoy conversing. Since that apparently was not an option, not making a scene was your best choice.
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