KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox The adult should be making the decision

Dear Annie: I am the single mother of an 8-year-old girl. "Miranda" is very possessive of me when it comes to boyfriends. I've had only three steady guys in the past five years, and she has hated every one of them.
I am now with someone I would like to marry. "Evan" treats us both very well and has not given Miranda a single reason to dislike him. Evan does not live in the same town, so Miranda and I may move closer to him. My daughter cries when I talk about relocating or marrying Evan. She says I cannot marry until she moves out of the house and if I decide to move to Evan's town, she will not come with me.
I have repeatedly reassured Miranda that no one will take her place, but she does not trust my judgment or my intentions. Should I just make her deal with it because she is acting like a spoiled brat, or do I subject her to a shrink (which I do not want to do)? How do I know if she simply is being selfish or if this will leave an emotional scar? I need some help. Iowa Mom
Dear Iowa Mom: Although you certainly should take Miranda's feelings into account, you are the adult, and you get to make the decisions. It is comforting for your daughter to believe she is controlling your love life, but please don't succumb to this emotional blackmail. It is in no one's best interest.
Relocating and remarrying can be traumatizing for some children, but if you handle things with authority and sensitivity, Miranda will do just fine. You might not want to seek counseling, but it can be beneficial for both of you. The counselor will help Miranda deal with her fears, and you will learn how to deal with Miranda.
Dear Annie: You printed an essay titled "Just For Today" in your column without giving anyone credit. The late Sibyl F. Partridge wrote "Just for Today" in the early 1900s. I request that you give her proper credit in your column. R.G., Green Cove Springs, Fla.
Dear R.G.: We're happy to give credit when due. Sibyl Partridge is the originator of the essay called "Just for Today," written in the early 1900s, which lists ways in which to improve oneself. However, in the intervening century, several writers have made major alterations to her words. There now are dozens of versions of this essay floating around, many of which are anonymous and bear little resemblance to Ms. Partridge's original. The essay we used was one that has appeared in various places in the last 25 years. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to provide our readers with the history.
Dear Annie: I operate a successful small business, and I owe most of that success to the employees who do such a great job for me. One of my employees, "Sue," works circles around everyone. If anything needs to be done, Sue volunteers.
Every so often, I like to take my employees out for dinner to show my appreciation. I feel this makes us a closer working unit. Sue, however, always has some reason why she can never attend. Yesterday, I told Sue that I was taking everyone out and I wanted no excuses. She burst into tears, said she was giving two weeks' notice and left my office.
I have since tried talking to Sue, even telling her that I wouldn't make her come if it meant quitting, but she hasn't relented. What can I do? C.J. in California
Dear C.J.: It sounds like Sue suffers from anxiety attacks. Try one more time. Tell Sue you will not force employees to attend these functions in the future, and apologize for putting her on the spot. If she insists on leaving, consider it a hard lesson. Your heart may be in the right place, but for most employees, a command performance for the boss is not considered a "reward."
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