KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Justin' doesn't sound as wonderful as she says

Dear Annie: I have been married to "Justin" for 10 years, and we have four wonderful children. We live in a beautiful home and have a terrific life. However, Justin is very controlling and jealous to the point where I am going crazy. When I tell him how I feel, he says I obviously need medication.
Justin has taken over our money because he says I'm using up his paycheck and he has nothing to show for it. I am not a spendthrift, but I do buy clothes and school supplies for the children, not to mention the occasional item for myself. Justin won't pay those bills until we have a fight. Then he will "allow" me to pay them. We argue over this every month.
I took a summer job to help out financially. I made good money, but Justin was so jealous, he accused me of meeting men on my lunch breaks. He even came to my work place, just to be sure. If Justin knows I have $10 in my pocket, he will make sure I spend it before he pulls out his own wallet, which invariably has at least $100 in it. He will say, "I'd rather not break a $20." Consequently, I rarely have any cash on me and am always going to the bank or asking Justin for a few dollars.
Justin tells me that any woman would love to be in my shoes, to have a man take such good care of her. I love Justin, but I can't take much more of this. He is unwilling to go for counseling and makes me feel as if I'm off my rocker.
Annie, other than this, Justin is wonderful. He's attentive, a good father and a very hard worker. Please help me. Losing My Mind in Georgia
Dear Georgia: Read your letter again and then ask yourself how "wonderful" Justin really is. He sounds emotionally abusive to us, and there is the potential for him to become plenty worse. He is diminishing your ability to be independent and blaming you for it. Red lights are flashing everywhere.
You must figure out a way to stay financially autonomous in case things deteriorate. Talk to a therapist about your situation, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233) for suggestions. Please don't wait.
Dear Annie: You recently printed several comments in response to a letter about the value of pornography. I read with amusement the response from "New Mexico," who lent his oh-so-brilliant insight by stating that women were "stupid" and "a vex on humanity" and he much preferred porn.
What this scholar seems to forget is that he was born from a "stupid" female. If it weren't for his mother, we would never have had the privilege of reading the rubbish he submitted. On another note, you have to feel a little sorry that the guy's life is so pathetic he has to blame an entire gender. Florida Female
Dear Female: Quite a few readers were up in arms over "New Mexico" and his little tirade against women. Some were personally offended and said we shouldn't have printed his comments at all. We think the readers have a right to see the wide variety of opinions we receive, since they reflect the thoughts of people we might not otherwise encounter -- and ought to be aware of.
Dear Annie: What is the proper etiquette after a music recital? Should the student present the teacher with flowers? Panama, Okla.
Dear Panama: Flowers are appropriate, although not mandatory, for both the teacher and the student. The student may receive flowers from family members or personal guests attending. The teacher can receive flowers from the student. If there are several students playing at the same recital, it is a lovely gesture to present the teacher with a single bouquet from the entire group at the end of the recital.
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