In my view, some things are certain

By TIM O'BRIEN
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
Have you ever stopped to think about what you feel you have learned about life? I just did. You know what? It was harder than I thought it would be! Not because I don't have opinions; I have plenty of them. It was the idea of certainty that got me. I feel strongly about much, but I found, certain about little.
So, here is my list of what I feel certain about in life.
1. Listening is harder than talking but produces better results for learning and relationships. I like the saying, "We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much."
2. Loving is more letting go and accepting others as they are, than it is the active pursuit of anything. Compatibility is the balance of finding common likes, acknowledging differences and supporting another's growth.
3. Internal peace occurs naturally when we stop artificial stimulation and are comfortable with ourselves. If you cannot enjoy silence and quiet time alone, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience serenity.
4. We are all in service to others in some capacity. We serve our customers, clients, students, families, friends, communities, country and world. If we accept this and find joy in our service, we are happy minute to minute.
5. The active pursuit of continuous growth is endless but gratifying. There are few if any limits on our capacity to continue to learn and improve. Discovering and filling a personal "pocket of ignorance" is a source of significant enjoyment.
6. If you honestly like other people, you will always have friends. Since you so easily care about others, the thought of being friendless will never enter your mind.
7. If you think money is the answer, keep asking what the question is. Money can make many parts of life easier. Money can also complicate life needlessly. Use money wisely for good, not as a weapon.
8. When you get angry, study the situation closely. Embarrassment, pride, power and frustration are often major parts of anger. Find the root cause of your anger and deal with it. Anger hurts the immune system of the angry.
9. "If you cannot find happiness along the way, you will not find it at the end of the road" -- Lin Chi. The minutes of our lives make up our lives. The day to day joys and challenges make up most of our experiences. Be aware in the present: Act and be in the present and you will feel you have lived a fulfilling life.
10. Our minds and bodies are an integrated single system. What we do that affects one affects the other. Buddha's advice is good to follow: moderation in all things.
11. Our thoughts with their stored emotions become our life. As Dr. Dennis Waitley says, "Our life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy." We become what we think about. We are what we firmly believe.
12. "When in doubt, do the friendliest thing." My wife's poster of two penguins in the sun has never led me astray. When faced with an unfamiliar or possibly tense situation, work to make others feel at ease, welcome and comfortable.
13. Accept criticism as an opportunity to review your beliefs and practices. First, examine the criticism for accuracy. If it is baseless criticism, "have no more confidence in the judgment than you do in the judge." If there is merit to the criticism, thank the person who criticized you. It will probably shock them, and they did do you a favor by pointing out an area that needs improvement. Then, develop a plan to remove the basis for the criticism and grow from the situation.
14. There is a force greater than humankind and we can learn to cooperate with it. Called by many names, it is the actual fabric of the Cosmos. "If you are the center of the Universe, we're all in big trouble." -- C.W. Metcalf
Now that you've read my list, what do you think? Are my certainties your certainties? Do we agree on a few, or none? Now it's your turn to write. What are your certainties?
XTim O'Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management. Readers may write to him at 3023 Shannon Lakes Dr., No. 102, Tallahassee, Florida 32309, or send e-mail to ismhyperstress.com. He also has a Web site at www.hyperstress.com.