KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Readers give their responses to 'Miffed'

Dear Annie: This is in response to "Miffed in Minnesota," the tall and muscular woman who often was mistaken for a man. You suggested she wear makeup, earrings and dresses. Her question was not, "How can I look more feminine?" but, "What is the best way to handle these rude people?"
You should have told her to simply say, "I prefer to be called Ms. So-and-So, thank you." Why would you take a muscular woman and put dangling earrings, makeup and a skirt on her? Do you want people to think she is a cross-dresser? I am sure if "Miffed" felt comfortable wearing those things, she would already be doing so. Still a Fan of Yours in Memphis
Dear Memphis: We're glad you're still a fan. "Miffed" said she is embarrassed when mistaken for a man and it wreaks havoc with her self-confidence. It sounded to us as if she would like to appear more recognizably feminine, hence our advice. You are correct, however, that she should learn to be comfortable in her own skin, and we should have emphasized that. Many readers wanted to help. Read on:
From Texas: "Miffed in Minnesota" needs to adjust her attitude, not her appearance. I, too, am a tall female. People are not looking closely when they call me "sir" and are truly embarrassed when they realize their mistake. I used to get miffed, but now I smile and say, "Actually, I'm a ma'am." It gives us both a laugh and doesn't ruin anyone's day. Mistakes happen. Get over it.
New Hampshire: I'm a 60-year-old female couch potato with short hair on my head and long hair on my legs. I like men's pants because I can buy waist and inseam sizes. I like men's shoes because I don't have to squeeze my feet into them. I'm not about to buy cosmetics or jewelry. My parents, my husband and my children love and respect me. I don't need validation from anyone, much less store clerks.
Oakland: Women come in all shapes and sizes. How dare you tell her to try makeup? That kind of thinking has repressed women for generations. You should have told her she is beautiful as is, and the problem is narrow-minded, ignorant people who need to stop making assumptions. This is why young girls are anorexic and bulimic. Our culture tells them they need to be prettier and thinner.
Arizona: I'm only 5 feet 4, but gender-free, outdoorsy clothes are enough for people to assume I'm male. My reaction is to pause, which alone gets their attention, and smile. Once they take a closer look, they apologize. I always wear lipstick, eye shadow and earrings, but the person actually has to look at me to notice.
Florida: "Miffed" shouldn't be surprised she is mistaken for a man. How many 6-feet-tall muscular women do most people see? I'm only 5 feet 7, but my shoulders are wider than my hips, so people assume I'm male. A feminine hairdo and an eye-catching hair ornament work wonders to change all that.
Michigan: I am 5 feet 9, athletic and muscular, and wear my hair short. When I was younger, comments like, "Why is that boy wearing earrings?" hurt my feelings considerably. The best boost to her self-confidence is to forget these people and take stock in those who see her as the statuesque and beautiful woman she is.
University of Vermont: Makeup and feminine clothes are the trappings of the "effeminate mystique." My partner and I are mistaken for men, and we are neither ultra feminine, nor truly masculine-looking. We don't become angry. We just smile and point out the error. Why should "Miffed" do something against her natural state to ensure that others don't make mistakes? Worse, if she wears makeup and feminine clothes, some idiot homophobe might confuse her for a drag queen.
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