HOW HE SEES IT Pundits-R-Us

By JIM SHEA
HARTFORD COURANT
Stuck in a dead-end job?
Searching for a career in which you can work less, make more, and maximize your limited potential?
Perhaps it is time you considered the glamorous world of political punditry.
If you like the sound of your own voice.
If you are one of those people who doesn't let knowing absolutely nothing about a subject interfere with having a strong opinion.
And if you are looking for a field that is large enough to accommodate your exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Then you owe it to yourself to pick up the phone and call 1-800-Gas-bags.
Here at the Famous Pundits School in Westport, Conn., we offer a comprehensive program leading to an advanced degree -- doctor of mundane letters -- in political punditry.
Quotable
Listen to what some of our graduates have to say:
"Before enrolling at the Famous Pundits School, I had no outlet for the hate and venom that consumed me. Now I am able to spew to a national audience." Ann Coulter.
"Thanks to the Famous Pundits School, I have learned to offer analysis that offends no one, and gets me invited to all of the fabulous Washington insider parties." Cokie Roberts.
"I was just another loud-mouth political hack at the end of the bar until I studied at the Famous Pundits School. Today, I get to shout at the nation's leaders on my own television show." Chris Matthews.
Yes, in just 30 days, you too can be arguing policy, predicting elections and shaping public opinion while carrying the laminated credentials of a real live journalist.
No background? No experience? No problem.
If you can keep a straight face, you can be a political pundit.
So what are you waiting for?
Right now, for just $100 down and $49.95 a month, you can become a full-time student at the Famous Pundits School, where you will learn from a distinguished faculty that includes such high profile pundits as:
Tim Russert: (Making Poll Numbers Seem Complicated.)
Robert Novak: (Outing Without Conscience.)
James Carville: (Schticking With Your Convictions.)
George Will: (The Power of Prissy.)
The curriculum also concentrates on developing the key skills every political pundit needs to succeed:
Passing off other people's opinions as your own.
Accepting the official spin as gospel.
Identifying colleagues as informed sources.
Becoming friends with the people you cover.
And, realizing the danger of expressing an original thought.
So call now, with the presidential election approaching, classes are filling up quickly.
Los Angeles Times-Washington Post News Service