KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Husband tells his parents about their arguments

Dear Annie: My husband, "Mark," is the epitome of a storybook husband -- kind, compassionate, loving, respectful, charming, romantic and good-looking. There is, however, one problem: his relationship with his parents.
Mark's parents are loving and wonderful people, and I adore them. However, whenever we have a disagreement, he phones them. I understand he needs someone to talk to, but it is extremely uncomfortable for me, especially when the only thoughts shared are what he wants them to know, and often, it's not the whole story.
When Mark is having a bad day, he calls and complains to his parents. He shares what I feel are intimate husband-and-wife issues with his mom and dad. He talks to them every day for hours at a time. My in-laws know everything we do, where we go and what we buy. Even on our vacations, we have to call daily.
I have discussed my concerns with Mark, and he promised to be more respectful of my feelings. However, the only change he made is that now he calls his parents from his cell phone or when I'm not home.
Annie, is this normal or Dysfunction 101? Caller's Wife
Dear Wife: It isn't quite Dysfunction 101, but it's certainly a prerequisite.
How often Mark calls his parents is not as important as the information he shares. Your husband must learn to separate his marriage from his childhood and stop telling Mommy and Daddy everything. Couples are supposed to have private moments. If he cannot understand this, it might help to go with him to see a marriage counselor who will explain the concept and work on ways to implement it.
Dear Annie: I am 28, my wife is 25, and our friends are the same age. We have a 3-year-old daughter whom we have taught to call our friends "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So." However, our friends prefer that our daughter call them by their first names.
We have considered having her refer to close friends as "Uncle" or "Aunt," but we aren't crazy about the idea. We want our daughter to be respectful to adults. How do we explain to her when she should use the honorific and when it's OK to use a first name? Or, do we just make our friends feel old and have her call everyone "Mr. and Mrs."? Confused in Indiana
Dear Indiana: There is another etiquette rule here, and that is to call people by the name they prefer. While it is appropriately respectful to use "Mr. and Mrs.," even with close friends, when one of them says to your daughter, "I'd like you to call me 'Susan'," she should be permitted to do so.
Dear Annie: For the last eight years, we have taken a vacation every spring with our best friends. Each year, before our plans are finalized, another couple (I'll call them "Tom and Edna") include themselves in our vacation.
Tom and Edna are not fun to travel with. We like them, but we don't want to spend two weeks a year in their company. However, now that the precedent has been set, they expect to go on every vacation we take, and frankly, I'm tired of it.
We do not want to insult or hurt them, but we lack the fortitude to say we've already made plans. We have tried to discourage them subtly, but it hasn't worked.
Is there any way to do this nicely? Aimless in Alabama
Dear Aimless: Not really. If you cannot work up the courage to tell them not to come, arrange your next vacation at an off-time, when Tom and Edna are not expecting a trip and don't have the opportunity to crash the party. When they inquire, simply say, "We decided to try something different."
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