KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox His dad won't accept that he's happy being gay

Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old gay male. My father, who has been in deep denial about my orientation, recently had an epiphany and realized I am homosexual. Now he sends me a stream of books about reparative therapy and becoming straight.
I like myself as I am and have zero interest in twisting my head inside-out with therapy that isn't going to change anything. Dad has become morose and depressed about my unwillingness to "fix" this. I believe he is the one who should be talking to a professional, but I doubt he will.
How do I get my father to stop acting like he lives in a morgue? I rarely call home or visit him anymore because of all the negative energy. In fact, there are days when I'd like to move farther away. Is there anything I can do for him? Just Jeff
Dear Jeff: Give Dad some time to come to grips with the realization that his dreams for you are different than he imagined. In the meantime, please contact PFLAG for information and suggestions. The address is: 1726 M Street, N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036 (pflag.org).
Dear Annie: I work in a semiprofessional office where there are several cubicles within a larger area. The spaces are big enough, but I have a problem with my neighboring co-worker. She constantly snaps her gum. It is the most irritating sound I have ever heard. She snaps roughly every seven seconds.
The woman has been confronted by other co-workers but has made no attempt to stop the snapping. I have asked that my work station be moved, but my boss said it cannot be done at this time, even though I have explained to him that the constant snapping is causing me to lose focus on my work. I am considering giving my two weeks' notice because I'm ready to "snap." What can I do? Wilmington, Mass.
Dear Wilmington: First, talk to your co-worker directly, and tell her you understand that snapping her gum is a hard habit to break, but you would appreciate it if she would make the effort. Then invest in a set of headphones to muffle the noise. Don't give up asking to be relocated, and try the human resources department for help, but keep those want ads handy if the situation does not improve.
Dear Annie: I have a very sincere and vibrant husband, but his manners are awful, and he often comes across as an inconsiderate jerk. He's been known to start eating at the table before others have been served. He jokes loudly and disparagingly about people from other countries while we are in a mixed social setting. He treats service people, such as taxi drivers and hotel registrars, like dirt. It's embarrassing.
He'll correct his table manners when I call it to his attention, but only temporarily. If I ask him to stop making unkind comments about others, he claims he is only speaking the truth. When I ask him to treat the taxi driver better, he says that service people are there to help us and they need to do their jobs right.
His attitude makes me cringe, and I worry what others think of him. It is stressful to contemplate an evening out. I don't want to be a nag, but I also don't want to put up with this for the next 50 years. Any ideas? Mrs. No Manners
Dear Mrs.: Your husband doesn't "come across" as an inconsiderate jerk. He actually is one. Poor table manners can be corrected, but ridiculing those of other cultures and treating service workers like dirt are indicative of inferior character, and that is not so easily fixed. You can try to sensitize your husband to the way his comments hurt you and others, but he may be too arrogant to work on his attitude. Nagging won't help. Just remember that his remarks do not reflect on you.
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