Annie's Mailbox Ornery in-law imperils marriage

Dear Annie: My wife's 85-year-old father lives with us, and he is slowly breaking up our marriage. He is gross and nasty, thinks he owns the place and treats us like little kids. We have no privacy.
Dad moved in after his wife died, and he's been here a few years. He is quite capable of taking care of himself, but is too lazy and was spoiled rotten by my mother-in-law. Talking to him does no good. He's just ornery and mean. My wife hates the situation but says she is responsible for him until he dies, even though she is well aware that our marriage should be her first priority.
Unless something can be done about Dad, we're headed for divorce court. What should I do to save our marriage? Giving Up in Michigan
Dear Michigan: Being responsible for Dad doesn't mean he has to live with you. It only means that you both should see that Dad gets the best care possible. Start looking into retirement homes and assisted-living centers. Dad sounds like a good candidate for such places, and he could make lots of new friends as well. Point out to your wife and your father-in-law that he obviously is unhappy with the current situation and it is wrecking your marriage. He needs to find more appropriate accommodations. Please don't wait.
Dear Annie: This letter is in response to "Disappointed in Seattle," who went on a job interview and sent a nice thank-you note, but has heard nothing since. I am a career counselor and can tell you this man has plenty of company. Here are my tips:
Taking the online job application and giving it a makeover probably cost "Disappointed" the job. It says there's something wrong with the company. Job searches can take anywhere from six months to a year or more. He may need to adjust his expectations of the job market.
Interviews are a two-way street. Never lose sight of the million-dollar question: "Is this job really for me?"
Career changers like "Disappointed" often need to rethink their approach, and a good career counselor may be of help. The National Career Development Association (www.ncda.org) has a public referral directory.
Finally, every rejection is one more step toward finding the right job. With the right approach, right attitude and lots of patience, I am sure "Disappointed's" fortunes will turn around soon. Theresa O'Neill, MA, NCC Career Counselor, Newark, N.J.
Dear Theresa O'Neill: Your optimism will boost the spirits of the unemployed. Read on for more:
From the Midwest: I worked for several years as a business manager. On more than one occasion, we had labor attorneys tell us not to contact people who weren't hired, for fear they would sue us for discrimination. I always told applicants they "weren't selected at this time, but I would keep their resume on file."
Brookline, Mass.: If he interviewed with 10 companies and accepted an offer from one of them, I wonder if he would take the time to contact the other nine to tell them he is no longer a candidate, and to thank them for their time and effort in considering him. I doubt it. Courtesy is a two-way street.
California: I was a human resources director for over 25 years and can tell him to count his blessings. That company either is short on personnel or they simply don't care much about the people they interview. A top-quality company wouldn't ignore him. It connects the success and productivity of its enterprise with the morale and treatment of its employees. A smart company recognizes that applicants are customers, too. Treat them well, and they'll be the best advertising dollars spent..
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