Annie's Mailbox

Annie's Mailbox
She won'ttry to improvemarriage
Dear Annie: I've been married to "Susan" for over 20 years, and we have two teenage children. Our marriage started out like most -- a lot of good times, along with some difficulties, but nothing we couldn't work out. My job involves working shifts with a varied schedule, and 12 years ago, Susan got a full-time job with an ambulance service and also works odd shifts. Our social life completely died.
Nine years ago, at the age of 39, my wife needed a full hysterectomy. After this, our very good sex life slowly started to go downhill. At first, I tried to be understanding, but the situation didn't improve. My wife insisted there was no problem -- but it certainly was a problem for me. I asked her to seek counseling, but she had no interest. I saw a counselor on my own, but was told it wouldn't be much use without my wife's participation.
I thought we could work through our problems, but now Susan says if I need sex, I should go out and get it, but I should never expect to touch her again. She has asked for a separation.
I've suggested to Susan that her medications may need adjusting, but she insists she's just fine. So what I'm asking is, how can I convince her that we both need to talk to someone? Left Out in the Cold
Dear Left Out: While we recognize that some women lose interest in sex after menopause (or a hysterectomy), we do not understand why a loving wife would not make any effort to work on something that so severely damages her marriage.
Ask your wife once more to go with you for counseling in the hope that you can work on this separation. Do not mention sex. If Susan refuses, please go back to your counselor and ask for help on the best way to cope with this latest development.
Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is the best person in the world. She is now in her late 70s and could use some financial support. My husband has six siblings, all of whom could easily afford to send $100 a month to their mother, allowing her to pay for medicine and other essentials.
We contacted all the siblings and suggested this. Only one responded favorably. None of the others even bothered to answer. In the meantime, my husband is picking up the monthly bill for the other five. We have our own children to put through college, and this is putting a strain on our finances.
How can we ask again for the other siblings to do their share without causing a family rift? Caught in the Middle
Dear Caught: If all the siblings are financially able to send $100 a month, you should not be afraid to ask them again. And again. Better still, have your husband call a family "council" and discuss this together. If $100 is too much, ask them to donate less, but they all should be willing to chip in and not leave you, and the one responsive sibling, to hold down the fort.
Dear Annie: Several weeks ago, a man I dearly loved died. We had known each other four short years. Although we planned to marry, and even bought the rings, we never made it legal. In our hearts we already were married. We thought we had plenty of time for a wedding.
I miss him with everything in my soul. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you find the one you love, marry him when he asks, and don't keep putting it off. You never know when he will leave you. Sad and Lonely
Dear Sad and Lonely: Life is short, and we should not take anything for granted. Thank you for reminding us to seize the moment and not let it pass by.
Creators Syndicate
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