HOLIDAY PARTIES Being a good guest needn't be guesswork

Larry Pfarr is comfortable hosting dozens of parties and get-togethers at his Minneapolis home each year. He's equally comfortable as a guest.
Pfarr, director of store design and visual merchandising at Bachman's floral, home and garden stores, has advised people about how to throw a great party; now, for the holidays, here's his advice on how to be a good guest.
Q: What should you offer to bring?
A: As a guest, you should always ask the host if you could take something to the dinner, party or event. Let the host determine if he or she wants you to take something and what it should be. Most often, the host will decline your offer, but you should be prepared.
Once you have asked and if you were told what to take, then make sure you take what you were told. On more than one occasion, I have asked someone to bring something and they decided to bring something else.
Q: What should you take without asking?
A: If you checked in with your host and were told you don't need to take anything, don't think you should show up empty-handed. If someone has invited you into their home, they have gone to great lengths to have you there. Planning the menu, cleaning the house and getting it all pulled together takes a lot of effort -- be sure to show your gratitude.
Flowers or a nice blooming plant are always an appropriate gift. One note on taking cut flowers: Pick up an inexpensive vase if you are in doubt whether the host has a vase. Once you get to the event, offer to put the flowers in the vase so the host does not get side-tracked.
A bottle of wine for an evening event is appropriate, too, if your host drinks alcohol. If you bring a bottle of wine, don't expect that it will be opened and served that night. Other possible host gifts include a nice unscented candle or a box of chocolates.
Q: What should you not take?
A: If you have children and they were not invited, don't assume you can take them. If you are not sure whether you can take your children, check with your host.
Unless it is a large party, event or open house, you should not take additional guests with you. If it is a large party, check with your host and make sure you can take someone. The exception would be if you are single and the invitation reads "and guest."
Q: What's a common faux pas that guests make?
A: One of the biggest mistakes is to forget to acknowledge the invitation. If you are asked to RSVP, make sure that you do and that you do it promptly. Never make a host extend a second invitation.
Q: How can you be a good guest while at the party?
A: Unless the party is being catered, the guest should check with the host to see if there is anything they may need help with. Oftentimes, the host may have some small task. If the host says no, or you are done with the assigned task, then get out of the kitchen and mingle. Go meet new people or chat with others you may know. The kitchen is the most popular room in the house, but if I don't need help, then the guests can often be in the way.
Q: What can a guest do that will make the host eternally grateful?
A: Two simple words: Thank you. Take the time in the days following the party, dinner or event to follow up with a thank you. A written thank you will be long remembered by your host. Yes, it takes a little more time than an e-mail or a phone call, but that's what makes it memorable. If you don't have the time to handwrite a thank you, then by all means use e-mail or make that phone call. Both of those options are still a far cry better then no thank you at all.