Dirty letter was moment of craziness

Dear Annie: I am 64 years old and have been pen pals with "Miranda" for the last 10 years. We never take longer than two weeks to respond to each letter, but since I wrote her four months ago, she hasn't written back, and I fear I know why.
I was just about to seal the envelope and mail my regular letter to her, and in a moment of craziness, I grabbed another piece of paper and started to write a sexual fantasy letter. I don't know what got into me. After several minutes, I stopped and said to myself, "OK, you got that out of your system. Now tear it up and toss it in the trash." This is the last recollection I have of that dreadful evening.
When Miranda didn't write back right away, I assumed she was on vacation or in the hospital. But when months went by, I started thinking about the last time I wrote to her, and in a panic, I considered that I accidentally may have sent the dirty letter along with my regular one.
I am certain Miranda must be repulsed and confused. If I write her again, it may put her over the edge and she might call the police, thinking I'm stalking or harassing her. Any suggestions? Lewd Behavior
Dear Lewd: We won't get into what Freud would say about your "accident," but is it possible you are harboring feelings for Miranda that go beyond friendship?
You can't salvage this without taking a risk. Write her and ask why she hasn't responded -- there could be another reason. If your fantasy letter is indeed the reason, plead temporary insanity. Apologize profusely. Beg for her forgiveness. Promise never to do it again. We wish you luck -- and some self-control.
Dear Annie: My family likes to get to church 10 minutes early so we can find seats. Unfortunately, with two small kids, that doesn't always happen.
I find it appalling that so many people sit in the aisle seat of the pew when there is no one sitting in the middle. When I try to squeeze past them with an infant carrier and bags in tow, I get cold stares. They refuse to give up their aisle seat or step out of the pew to let us pass. Maybe they don't know this is rude, so will you please educate them? Where is Hoosier Hospitality?
Dear Hoosier: Of course. Any able-bodied person who selects an aisle seat should have the consideration to slide down when others enter, or stand up and move out of the way, so later arrivals can pass easily. Unless there is a physical reason why you cannot move, there is no excuse to sit there and block the row.
Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from a woman who was tired of receiving calls for her late husband, so she looked up the number of the cemetery and gave it to one of the salesmen. She said, "The mental image of that man's reaction stopped the wave of grief I was feeling. I still smile when I think about it."
Let me tell you, this sort of thing can buy a lot of grief for the cemetery workers who handle these phone calls. One widow filled out a "change of address" card for her late husband with the cemetery's address. We've received bank statements, insurance notices, etc., but we have no legal authority to open any of this mail.
I also will tell you that I've worked at the cemetery for over 20 years and have yet to see a man do this. Only widows like this "practical joke." I don't know if it's because men handle grief better or if they're just more sensible. Quincy, Ill.
Dear Quincy: Maybe they're simply less imaginative. Actually, we'd bet the reason is that salespeople more often ask for "the man of the house." Nonetheless, we don't mean to encourage these practical jokes, and we thank you for letting us see the other side.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2004 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.