Accepting gifts isn't shameful

Having a gift to give in return isn't nearly as important as learning to receive graciously.
It is more blessed to give than to receive, the saying goes, and many of us grew up believing those words.
Spiritual gurus like Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra may tell us that giving and receiving are part of a circle that must be continuous for energy to be balanced, but most people feel more comfortable being the giver rather than the receiver. They find it difficult to accept an unexpected gift graciously, especially when they have nothing to give in return.
Equal-energy exchange has become a familiar phrase in New Age jargon. It means that outgoing energy (giving), must be equal to incoming energy (receiving). If someone gives more than they receive, they will quickly become depleted and drained of their own energy.
Different source
The trick is learning to recognize all the ways that we give and receive, and to understand that energy is often received from a different source from which it was given.
An example might be someone who does a great deal of volunteer work to help the poor, but doesn't realize that a surprise gift from a friend is simply that energy being returned in a different way.
Often, allowing others to give to us is a gift in itself.
"I am reminded of a very proud and independent 85-year-old massage client of mine who has recently become weaker and less mobile due to osteoporosis," says Mary K. Griffiths, a registered nurse and massage therapist in Canfield. "Boy, was she mad at her body! And humiliated for needing assistance and help.
"However, she has given many of her friends the opportunity to be of service, sharing their 'gifts' with her. It was so much more meaningful to help her, knowing she could not reciprocate. The true return gift is acceptance. A simple 'thank you' is not so simple."
A gift denied
An article by Anne Robertson, tells of a young man who took ill with a brain tumor. Unable to work, he had nothing. He had only one set of clothing to wear, and people became concerned as the weather grew colder.
A couple that normally did not trust people enough to give to them felt moved to help him, so they bought new clothes and packed some of the husband's spare clothing. When they showed up at the man's apartment to present the gift, he said he did not need their charity and closed the door.
Robertson says the couple is not likely to give again. By refusing their generosity, the young man cut off the spiritual growth of the couple, who desperately needed to learn how to give. Robertson believes that giving and receiving are linked; by learning to receive graciously, we are actually giving to others.
Bailey, a Reiki Master in Canfield, says she would want to make a lot of excuses, but instead would accept the gift graciously. "I might say that I wished I had something for them in return, but I know that a gigantic lesson for us to learn is how to receive as well as give. Later I would probably return the kindness somehow; not because I had to, but because I wanted to."
Gracious acceptance
"Gift giving is meant to come from the heart, not from a sense of obligation," Cathy Manus-Gray, a business owner in Cuyahoga Falls says. "I really see this as an inner issue for most people."
She continues: "I've come to realize that just because someone has done something for me doesn't mean I am beholden to them in any way. I accept kindness and know that there will be times when I'm on the other end of giving to someone." She also suggests donating to a charity in that person's name.
And what about everyday good manners? Accepting a gift is no big deal, says Carla Owens, assistant director of the Career Services Center at Kent State University.
"Gift-giving is not about getting in return," she says. "It is about being generous, and feeling joy from giving. When someone gives me an unexpected gift, I simply write them a thank-you note, and send them best wishes for happiness."
Perhaps, the best mindset is "the attitude of gratitude" -- the ability to perceive everything in life as a gift. Then when material gifts come your way, accepting them will be familiar and joyful. And the more we learn to receive, the greater capacity we develop to accept more good things in our lives.
"Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle," Alan Cohen says. "The more you use it, the stronger it grows, and the more power you have to use it on your behalf."