Same-sex couples strive for recognition of their union

Married with children in Massachusetts, single again in North Carolina.
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Karen Kitchens-Law and Mary Stuart Law were sitting in their lawyer's office in July, closing on their $343,000 home in University City in Charlotte, when they came across a question in the paperwork:
Are you married?
The couple, partners since 1988, had wed in a legal ceremony in their Massachusetts back yard in June, shortly after the state legalized same-sex unions.
"We are married," Karen Kitchens-Law recalls saying.
Their lawyer answered: "We don't recognize that here."
"Single" they wrote on the paperwork.
And so began life in North Carolina for the Law family.
'Single again'
The couple is Exhibit I in the nationwide debate that has led 37 states to ban gay unions. Voters in 11 states did so in November, refusing recognition to same-sex marriages performed elsewhere.
The Carolinas have had their laws in place since 1996, when Hawaii considered legalizing same-sex unions. An effort in recent years to put the restriction in the North Carolina Constitution has failed.
But as couples like Karen, an occupational therapist, and Mary, a financial analyst at TIAA-CREF, move out of Massachusetts, they are challenging how their new homes handle their union.
The Laws, who have two adopted children, cannot file their state income taxes jointly this year, as they would have done in Massachusetts.
There, they could visit each other in the hospital, make medical decisions on each other's behalf, or inherit the other's property in case of death, no questions asked. Here, they need to set up legal documents ensuring all that.
"We're single again," Mary says.
Family memberships
Some changes they are fighting, such as the local YMCA rule stating only married couples can have "family" memberships.
In Massachusetts, they joined the Y as a family.
They have talked with and written letters to local YMCA leaders. They have started a letter-writing campaign at their church and the Charlotte Business Guild, a gay-friendly business alliance.
YMCA of the Triangle Area in October announced rules allowing same-sex couples to join the YMCA at the same price as married couples.
Thinking that maybe she could change the mind-set from within, Mary Law took out a three-month membership for her and the children. But she could never bring herself to take the kids.
"That would tell them their family is less than every other family," she says.
In the end, she says, that kept her from going too.
It is Karen who used Mary's membership until it ran out this month. Up to then, Karen worked out three days a week.
Each time, she wore a different gay-rights T-shirt: "Freedom to Marry in Massachusetts." Or "Equal Love, Equal Rights."
Nobody ever confronted her about her shirts, but she was always ready. "That's all I think about when I'm there," she says.
Now, the couple is debating whether they should renew their membership.