KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox A simple 'no' doesn't stop inquiries from clueless matchmakers

Dear Annie: I'm gay and have been in a loving relationship for over 20 years. My partner and I are only in our early 40s, but I know I have my soul mate and wish for no other. We are quiet, reserved types with no obvious traditional signs of attachment (we traded necklaces, not rings, as our tokens).
For most of our relationship, we have dreaded the inevitable questions: "Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?" and so forth. We usually respond "no" and leave it at that. We don't wish to elaborate. Frequently, though, this doesn't stop the matchmakers who are keen to introduce us to their single, female friends. We have found that however we answer, the matchmaker always reacts negatively.
Our relationship is not a secret, but it is private. We generally do not volunteer that we are a couple except in appropriate environments, because we can't be sure if our new (presumably straight) acquaintances will react positively. We simply don't find it necessary to let people know we're anything other than roommates, and many acquaintances are very surprised when they learn the truth.
What can we say to these matchmakers who seem well-meaning, but are ultimately insensitive and prying? Won't Give the Game Away
Dear Gamer: Your signature indicates that you are not entirely comfortable being out of the closet, but that's your call. Most people would suspect that a man in his 40s who's been roommates with "Joe" for 20 years may be gay. For the clueless-yet-persistent matchmakers, simply say, "Thanks, but I'm already spoken for." Then excuse yourself and walk away.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter about an 8-year-old who was sexually harassed in school. I have an 8-year-old daughter who has sexually harassed others at her school. She is not a bully nor was she abused. She has a neurological condition called Early Onset Bipolar Disorder.
Most people think bipolar means up-and-down moods. While this is true, the illness is neurologically based and, especially in children, can have many different symptoms, including inappropriate sexual behavior.
My daughter has taken medication since she was 4. It helps considerably, but she has occasional periods of instability. When she sexually harassed a classmate, we were told by the school officials not to contact the parents of the other child -- to just let it go.
For more information, please check out the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation (www.bpkids.org), for parents of children who are bipolar, at 1000 Skokie Blvd., Suite 425, Wilmette, Ill. 60091. Bipolar Mom
Dear Mom: We hope your daughter's school has educated the other parents to be understanding about your situation. Thank you for providing our readers with this useful information. You surely have helped someone today.
Dear Annie: I'm a 22-year-old college student, and I really enjoy your column and hope you can help me. I haven't dated in a while. I was going to wait until I finished school and started a career. Well, in my biology class, I saw a girl who struck my eye. Annie, I really want to get to know her, but I'm shy. I feel nervous about approaching her for the first time. Can you give me some advice on what to say besides hello? Shy Guy in Southern Cal
Dear Shy Guy: You share a class, and that's the best icebreaker. Ask her if she finds biology as difficult/easy/time-consuming as you do. Maybe she needs a study partner. Ask her what other classes she's taking, how her finals went, what she's taking next semester. The next time you see her, you'll be friends.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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