The warm heart that first impressed her has become an obstacle

Dear Annie: I am a single, successful professional woman in my 40s. I've never had a boyfriend because I'm always focusing on my work. Last year, I met "Scott" while returning from a business trip. He sat next to me on the plane.
Scott was traveling with his son, a college student. I was impressed by his warm heart toward his son and invited them to join me for lunch at a restaurant. Ever since, Scott and I have exchanged letters and little presents. This year, I visited his home and got to know his son and daughter.
Scott has all the qualities that I expect from a gentleman, but there is a problem. His children appear to be "forever" students and have no plans to graduate. I'm not even sure they have goals. Scott's love for his children is so deep that he doesn't mind their behavior. I am not comfortable with Scott's unlimited tolerance and generosity toward his children. I doubt they ever can be financially independent.
I find it ironic that the same warm relationship that impressed me so much at the beginning is now an obstacle. Scott is in his late 50s and will soon retire. I am not young either, but as a never-married woman, my dream is to have a prince, not an old widower. I don't want to lose him, but I am Confused in NYC
Dear Confused: If you think of Scott as an "old widower," please do him a favor and cut him loose. Scott may be a great guy, but he comes with children. As their sole parent, he undoubtedly feels exceptionally protective and responsible for them. If you cannot understand and accept this aspect of his character, you will come to resent him. Searching for a "prince" is inevitably disappointing. You might consider some additional dating experiences to make your dreams more realistic.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the dilemma of "Grosse Pointe," who asked if there was a support group for the wives of retired husbands.
During the past several years, we have developed a loosely organized group of friends and relatives who refer to themselves as WORMs or Wives of Retired Men. We find potential members every time we go to the supermarket and see a woman being "organized" by her retired husband. One woman confided that she is glad he wants to be with her, but it drives her crazy that each morning he asks, "What are we going to do today?" We e-mail one another, and each of us tells our best retired story for the month. The one who wins gets to be president the next month.
The group gives us a chance to vent, without harming our partners or relationships, and we get a good laugh and know we are not alone. "Grosse Point" should find some friends in the same boat and have lunch once a month. Another Annie in Idaho
Dear Idaho: A good suggestion. Here are two more:
Dear Annie: After my husband retired from upper management two years ago, he drove me bananas. My boss and I came up with an excellent idea: force him back to school. After he took a few classes at the local university, he was offered a graduate research assistantship, and he now goes to college full time. It keeps his mind active, keeps him out of my way, and our marriage is better for it. At the age of 67, he is seeking his Ph.D. College Student's Wife
Dear Annie: I can recommend a different group called the Red Hat Society. It is for women over 50 to have fun, get together and just be outrageous. Jacksonville, Fla.
Dear Jacksonville: We've heard of the Red Hat Society (they recently had a parade in Chicago). It has more than 400,000 members in every state, plus Canada, Europe and Australia. Those who are interested can write to The Red Hat Society Inc. (www.redhatsociety.com), 431 S. Acacia Ave., Fullerton, Calif. 92831.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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