Annie's Mailbox 'Jon' makes her feel used

Dear Annie: I have been dating "Jon" for two years, and we became engaged last November. I am wondering if it is normal for a man not to be affectionate.
Jon rarely holds my hand or cuddles in bed at night. We recently went on a trip without my children (from a previous marriage), and it was so relaxing. We were gone four nights, and to my dismay, Jon was not once romantic or tender. We were sexually intimate, but as soon as we were finished, he just rolled over.
Are there men like this who are happily married? I don't know if I can live without affection. It makes me feel used. I've been married before and have dated several men, but I've never experienced this. I thought touching and holding came naturally. Is he normal? Dumbfounded
Dear Dumbfounded: Well, yes, within certain limits. Not all men are naturally affectionate, especially if they come from nondemonstrative families. It doesn't mean he isn't happy with you, but we worry that you might not be happy with him.
You need to discuss with Jon how important this is to you. He may not realize that you expect the hand-holding, cuddling and other signs that he is fond of you when you aren't having sex. Don't wait for him to make the first move -- teach him what you need. Take his hand when you are out walking. Ask for a hug before dinner. Put your arms around his neck and kiss him for no reason. If he doesn't make any effort to warm up, get couples counseling and see what can be done.
Dear Annie: Please remind your readers of the importance of having a will and making arrangements for your burial.
I lost both of my parents within the past few months. They left very little assets and no will. My sister is in possession of some of the assets, and I am left to try and pay for the burials and their other debts. I am not financially well off, but I want to do the right thing.
It seems to me that the expenses of the funeral should be split evenly. Who is responsible for these costs? I don't want to alienate my sister, but I need her help.
What should I do? Still Grieving
Dear Still Grieving: You are no more responsible for these costs than your sister. If she has not offered to split the expenses with you, pick up the phone and ask her to do so. Offer to send her an itemized accounting, and then ask her to please pay her share. If this is a financial hardship for your sister, perhaps a payment plan can be worked out, or you can ask her to contribute whatever she can manage. If you aren't willing to do this, prepare to be stuck with the bills.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Karen in the Midwest," who asked about having a baby shower in absentia, because the mother-to-be was in the Army and could not attend. Thank you for saying it was OK.
I hosted a baby shower for my sister-in-law, who was unable to attend for similar reasons. I decided to have a "Video Baby Shower." Each guest brought an item, along with wrapping paper, bows, ribbon, card, etc. I set up a specially decorated table and chair where the guest would sit and wrap the gift. Each guest looked into the camera and gave the new mother good wishes, told baby anecdotes or explained something special about the gift. We then had a delicious luncheon.
I sent all the wrapped gifts to my sister-in-law, along with the videotape of the event. She loved unwrapping the presents while watching the tape. West Greenwich, R.I.
Dear R.I.: Many readers suggested videotaping showers where the bride or mother-to-be cannot attend due to extreme distance or unusual circumstances. We like it.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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