KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Todd' won't admit that he is on the rebound

Dear Annie: My 20-year-old son, "Todd," is a college student who lives at home. Recently, his long-term girlfriend broke up with him in a pretty hurtful way, essentially saying he wasn't good enough for her. Todd was heartbroken. He had planned to marry this girl when they finished college.
A week after she broke up with him, Todd met another girl, "Heidi." Here's my problem. He met Heidi on Sunday, and by Tuesday, he practically moved in with her. Oh, he comes home every day to shower, change clothes and get his mail, but he hasn't slept in his own bed since he met her.
I know Todd is 20 years old, and I accept that he is sexually active, but it bothers me that he's on the rebound and won't admit it. I think he's using Heidi in a big way. Todd insists he wants a long-term relationship, but don't you think when sex enters the picture so quickly, the chances of success are pretty slim?
I've never met Heidi, but I get the impression she is emotionally fragile and needy, just like Todd. I think he's acting like a jerk, but talking to him does no good. Worse, Todd's behavior sets a terrible example for his two younger siblings.
We don't want Todd to move out entirely, because we believe that would push him further into this unhealthy relationship. How do I cope with this, and how do I impress on my younger children that this is not the way to handle a relationship? Stressed-Out Mom
Dear Stressed-Out: Rebound relationships can be devastating if one person is more invested than the other. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. Todd needs consolation, and he's found someone to provide it.
If your younger children are teenagers, you can discuss this with them, explaining why you disapprove of Todd's behavior. Eventually, they may see for themselves that Todd's hasty decision was misguided. In the meantime, you might try to meet Heidi. You are making assumptions based on Todd's presumed state of mind, and it would be a good idea to see exactly what's what.
Dear Annie: This is for "Albany," who wants to reconcile with his 40-year-old daughter, but she can't forgive him for divorcing her mother and marrying the woman he had an affair with. He should respect his daughter's wishes and stop contacting her. He decided on this tradeoff when he left his wife for another woman. What did he expect when he broke up her home for "greener pastures"? He can't have his cake and eat it, too.
This is happening in my home right now. I neither encourage nor discourage our children to see their father. Slowly and surely he slips away more and more from them. He has a new life with a new family. Ex-Wife in Lubbock, Texas
Dear Ex-Wife: We received a huge number of responses from bitter ex-spouses who agree with you. However, the relationship between a parent and child is different, and if there is any possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation, we think it's better than endless punishment and permanent estrangement. Thanks for writing.
Dear Annie: I recently lost my husband, and trying to face life without him is horrible. After the funeral, my phone rang constantly and my house was full of friends to console me. Now the phone seldom rings and the house is empty.
Do people think our loneliness has gone away? We'll eventually adjust, but it is a long, hard road to face alone, and our old friendships sustain us. Please give a call to someone you know who has lost a loved one. Grieving in Torrance, Calif.
Dear Torrance: Our condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. Please, folks, there are grieving, lonely people who need your calls and visits. Remember, some day you may need them in return.
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