Death by parental advice

Is it any wonder parents are the negative Nellies of an offspring's young adulthood? We know so much.
Here is my son, having changed majors and colleges, ready to get his first apartment, and here am I:
"Well, you'll need a deposit, and sometimes first and last months' rent. Is there a lease?"
"I don't know. How long are leases?"
"Well, could be 12 months. Sometimes month to month. You have to ask. Are the utilities included?"
"I think water and heat."
"Sometimes you have to put a deposit on the utility. You have good credit, so you might not. But you have to think about it."
Josh is just staring at me.
"Did you think about the Internet? If you just get a cell phone, you'll have to pay for cable access. And that reminds me, you won't have cable TV unless you pay for it.
"We pay about $49 for cable Internet alone, but with the TV it was $79 for both. Of course, you could get a cheapy monthly Internet service through the telephone, but then you can't just have a cell phone."
It just keeps coming
(Please, somebody, shut this woman up! Am I helpful? Maybe ... I'm Mommie Dearest and Dr. Phil rolled into one. And the words keep flowing out.)
"You can expect to pay about $65 -- does the place have air conditioning? -- a month for electric in the summer, if the gas and water are included in the rent.
"Have you thought about pots and pans? Garage sales are good. Dollar store has some stuff.
"The cleaning deposit they keep. The rental deposit you'll get back, unless they try to cheat you, so you have to get photos of the condition when you move in and move out."
"When you sign the lease, think about whose names you want on it. If one or the other moves out, that's important." (Most of the previous stuff I learned from experience; that last little thing I learned from watching Judge Judy.)
"If you get a cell phone instead of a regular phone, I've read some really horrible stuff on E-pinions. One company changes your plan without your knowing it, then charges a huge cancellation fee. Does that company have roaming charges? Is that enough minutes?
"Wow, do you want to live that far from campus? If you shoot down this road it will take you about 20 minutes, but if you cut across here, you can cut it down to 15.
"Of course, you could live closer, but I don't know about the quality or safety down there."
"What about school? Are you completely registered? You'd better take my credit card with you in case you have to pay. What does parking cost?" And on and on.
Lesson to be learned
OK, to be honest, I did NOT do all that in one marathon session. After all, that would remind any sane reader of this cartoon scene: Wile E. Coyote (that would be Josh) and a safe falling on his head (that would be me).
In actuality, I dropped those remarks on Josh here and there. The new cartoon scene: Wile E. Coyote and a safe falling on his head. He sinks into the ground half way, then, a little more, a little more, a little more, a little more, then he's gone. A puff of dust rises from the desert.
Wow, a little unexpected moral to that story, huh?
My intent, of course, is good. I know so much useful stuff, how could I dare not share it with my son? After all, the tips I give him I learned the hard way.
There was the time the leasing agent got fired and her "word" was not the company's "word." There was the time I lost my rental deposit because I didn't know about small claims court.
There were all the unexpected expenses moving into a new place entailed.
There were bad experiences with roommates.
These days, Josh looks at me like a patch of poison ivy, and I can hardly blame him. He's 19, got a job, going to college and hanging around with other people starting out in life. I don't have a lot in common to talk about with him, except perhaps to share my pearls of wisdom.
I am then, in effect, just making conversation -- much, perhaps, like the Road Runner makes conversation with Wile E. Coyote.
murphy@vindy.com