ANNIE'S MAILBOX Whole family is worried about younger brother

Dear Annie: I'm worried about my younger brother, "Ben." He is 20 and recently moved out of my parents' home. Ben spends his time drinking, doing drugs and playing some dangerous games (chicken, hanging out on top of cars, etc.).
I've been out of the house for 10 years and realize I cannot force Ben to change. What I'm looking for is a nonthreatening way to let him know that I'm here and want to help. My parents are worried, too, but I don't know that he'd discuss things with them. I'm closer in age, so he might consider talking with me.
I know that Ben sees his future as aimless, and many of his stunts are an attempt to get attention from his friends. He's trying so hard to be the life of the party that I'm afraid he's going to get himself killed. He's having trouble keeping a job (of course), and so the only friends who offer him a place to crash are the same people who offer him drinks and drugs.
Ben would be more than welcome in my home, although I suspect that wouldn't be enough to turn him around. There may be nothing I can do, but I have to try. Please help. Loving Sister
Dear Sister: Ben is lucky to have you in his corner. Many young adults who can't keep a job and see their future as "aimless" are, in reality, depressed. Keep in touch as much as you can, and let him know you love him. Tell him he is always welcome in your home and can stay there if the need arises. If you think he will listen, suggest he attend classes at a junior college or get job counseling -- anything to make him believe in himself. Good luck.
Dear Annie: My daughter, "Rachel," was invited to her friend "Laura's" house. Laura's mother said she would pick Rachel up at 1 p.m., but by 1:30, she had not arrived, so Rachel called. Laura's mother said she'd be there soon. At 2:15, Rachel called again, and this time, Laura told her it was too late for them to come get her. When I asked to speak to Laura's mother, I was told she was unavailable.
The next day at school, Laura told Rachel that she and her mom had gone into town to see someone else. I was floored that they would do this to my daughter. Laura is a new friend, and we don't know her family well. Why would someone do this to a child? How should I handle this next time? Mother of Hurt Daughter
Dear Mother: Some parents treat their children's plans as "suggestions" and not commitments. Laura's mother may not realize her behavior was rude and inconsiderate. If the girls make plans again, talk to Laura's mother directly and say gently, "There was obviously some miscommunication last time, and I'd like to avoid hurt feelings. How about if I pick up Laura and bring her to our house?"
Dear Annie: Recently, I was invited to a wedding for a bride I barely know, and a groom I've never met. The invitation said the reception was going to be a potluck at our local fairgrounds. If a sit-down dinner is not in the budget, wouldn't a wine-and-cheese or cocktail party be more appropriate, rather than asking 250 guests (that's the latest count) to bring their own food?
I've been told the bride's mother wants as many people as possible to attend so her daughter will receive an abundance of gifts. I feel like the food I am bringing is enough of a gift. What do you think? Confused in Bishop, Calif.
Dear Bishop: We're not quite certain when wedding receptions turned into blatant fundraisers, but that seems to be the trend. Bridal couples plan events they can't afford -- and then expect their guests to pay for the food and bring an expensive gift as well. It's boorish and tacky. Send them an etiquette book.
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