Annie's Mailbox It's time for 'Marla' to grow up

Dear Annie: I am a 54-year-old father of two children: a daughter who is in her fifth year of college and an older son. My wife recently returned to school and is not working. I've borrowed money for the past six years to cover everyone's tuition, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to pay the bills at the end of the month.
We allowed our daughter, "Marla," to go out of state to school to be near a boyfriend who ended up living overseas. We finally moved her back home because we could not afford the out-of-state tuition and living expenses. Marla has a new boyfriend and has been staying with him. Meanwhile, I am borrowing money to pay for an apartment she doesn't use and a car she "simply can't do without." She has a part-time job and a small college loan, but we still end up sending money to cover unexpected expenses or pay off a credit card.
I do not approve of Marla living with her boyfriend and have asked her to move back to her apartment. She says she's an adult now and should be free to make her own decisions. I feel that by providing financial support, I am encouraging her to behave in a way I disapprove of.
I wish Marla could see that I give advice out of love and respect. Instead, I feel slapped in the face. According to my wife and kids, I am a spoilsport with an outdated sense of values. What do you say? Set Me Straight
Dear Set: Marla is entitled to make her own choices, whether or not you approve. There's no reason, however, that you have to pay for them. If Marla wants to be treated as an adult, tell her such responsibility includes handling her own finances, and you certainly don't want to stand in the way of her independence. Then close the checkbook and step aside, Dad. It's time to let her grow up.
Dear Annie: For the entire 12 years of our marriage, my husband has slept on our couch with the remote in his hand. I have begged and pleaded, but he says it's a habit from childhood. Now I say nothing and go to bed alone.
Our children are beginning to notice that Daddy and Mommy don't sleep together, and I think that's a bad example to set. Worse, our physical relationship has been deteriorating over the years, and I'm sure this is one reason why.
I feel disconnected in our marriage and often think about living alone or finding someone else. Can you give me any advice and hope? Bedroom Loner
Dear Loner: Your husband may need the "white noise" from the TV in order to fall asleep. If you don't have a TV with a remote in your bedroom, consider adding one (with headphones) and see if that helps. If you already have one, or if Hubby refuses to change his habit, you might as well make an appointment with a marriage counselor, because it doesn't sound as if the situation is going to improve anytime soon.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from a woman whose young sister-in-law, "Nadia," has mysterious illnesses and frequent surgeries. Please tell her to refer Nadia to a rheumatologist to see if she has fibromyalgia, a syndrome that causes inflammation of the muscles, ligaments and tendons that surround the bone.
I am now 48 years old and had fibromyalgia for 15 years before it was properly diagnosed. I've had elbow, knee, shoulder and stomach surgeries due to the inflammation, and am in pain 24 hours a day. If this is Nadia's problem, she will need a lot of support and understanding. Tallahassee, Fla.
Dear Tallahassee: Thank you for providing another possibility. For more information, readers can contact the National Fibromyalgia Association (fmaware.org) at 2200 N. Glassell St., Suite A, Orange, Calif. 92865.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate