KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Daughter-in-law chose to upgrade cruise cabin without their consent

Dear Annie: My wife and I are going on an Alaskan cruise. We offered to pay the cost of the cruise for our son and his wife. They were excited and appreciative, and accepted the invitation immediately.
After we booked them a room identical to the one we will have on the cruise, our travel agent called to inform us that our daughter-in-law had asked to upgrade their accommodations. I admit our selection of cabins wasn't first class, but it was hardly cheap. The cost was about $1,300 per person.
We are trying to analyze our reaction to this news. We are insulted, offended and hurt, but we aren't sure we are justified. After all, my son and his wife are paying for the upgrade. What room they stay in won't change the trip in any way, yet we didn't react positively to this change.
My son is not aware that we have this information. They don't live close by, but we do talk weekly. So, Annie, what do you think? Chicago Parents
Dear Chicago: It's easy to understand why you reacted poorly to this news. It seems like a slap in the face -- that your gift ($2,600, no less) was not good enough.
Let's try a different perspective, so you can get past this. Your son and his wife saw an opportunity to have the trip of their dreams. They could not afford the first-class accommodations, but with your help, they could afford the upgrade. (It's even possible they upgraded the cabin as a gift for you, but not likely.)
Don't keep your knowledge a secret. Inform your son what the travel agent told you, and see what he says. Either way, please don't let it diminish how much fun you have together. It's still a wonderful, generous and loving gift. Enjoy your trip.
Dear Annie: For the past two months, I have been dating a man who is fun and affectionate. However, "Bert" is nine years younger than I am. He is 61, and I am 70.
I feel dishonest. Bert doesn't know my true age and often alludes to the fact that I am younger than he is. He has never asked me how old I am, and I've never offered the information. This is really bothering me, and I'm afraid when he finds out the truth, the relationship will end. Any suggestions? Anxious in Boston
Dear Boston: If Bert believes you appear and act young, it's unlikely the age difference will bother him. Since it is bothering you, however, you ought to tell him the truth while the relationship is still in its early stages. If he ends it, better you should know now rather than later.
Dear Annie: Not long ago, you printed a letter from a flight attendant who said they are "working harder than ever to keep the skies safe." I travel 30 or more times a year, and I'd say on half the flights, the people seated in the exit rows are clearly incapable of following the procedures if they need to assist in an emergency.
I was recently on a flight, and all six of the people in the exit rows assured the flight attendant they were able to help in an emergency. She returned five minutes later and surprised them with a simple quiz regarding emergency procedures. She asked, "How much does the door weigh?" "What do you do with it?" "Where do you stand?" Not one person in the exit row could answer a single question.
Before allowing someone to sit in an exit row, there should be a quick physical and informational test to see if a person can actually lift a 53-pound door and stow it efficiently. In an emergency, every second counts. I wish all flight attendants luck in an increasingly difficult job. Jim in Boston
Dear Jim: A physical test might cause other problems, but the ability to follow emergency procedures should not be taken lightly. Thanks for writing.
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