Her husband has decided he doesn't like sister-in-law

Dear Annie: I am a 60-year-old woman and have been married for 42 years. My problem is my husband, "Philip," decided during the last couple of years that he doesn't like my brother's wife, "Livia."
Livia and I are good friends, and my brother is very dear to me. Philip doesn't like Livia because he says she's a gossip, but she's never done a hurtful thing to him. When she calls here, he won't speak to me for days afterward. Last week, Livia came for a visit. Philip left the house and didn't return until she had gone home.
Over the years, Philip has always found a reason to dislike someone who is close to me. Before Livia, it was one of my brothers. I've had it. I know this is a control issue, but I cannot divorce Philip right now because I can't afford it. I still work part time and contribute to the household expenses, but he is on a pension. What would you suggest? Oppressed in Ohio
Dear Ohio: You've been married to Philip for 42 years. We assume he has some good qualities, too. Control issues first should lead to counseling, not divorce.
After all these years, we're surprised you haven't learned to ignore Philip's unreasonable complaints. Since you haven't, however, please talk to a marriage counselor, with or without your husband, and find ways to communicate your needs so that Philip can understand why his behavior is a problem. Good luck.
Dear Annie: We recently had some work done on our house. I noticed one of the workmen slip behind my garage and return, zipping up his pants. Apparently, he had urinated on the garage wall, and it was pooling onto the cement below. I informed the workman's supervisor, who apologized and washed the cement.
I find it very disturbing that my young daughters could easily have seen what happened. To my knowledge, urinating in public is indecent exposure, which requires registering as a sex offender in California.
I mentioned this incident to several family members who said I was overreacting. Am I? Disgusted in California
Dear Disgusted: Many workers are under the impression that they are on their own when it comes to relieving themselves. In fact, some homeowners will not permit workmen to use the bathroom in the house. If you notified the supervisor that the workers were welcome to use your facilities instead of the Great Outdoors, they should have done so. You did not overreact.
Dear Annie: A while back, you printed a letter from a woman whose husband brought guns into the house after promising not to. I, too, asked, even begged, my husband not to bring guns into the house. I told him it was for the safety of our children, and even threatened to leave him if the guns came in the door.
To his dying day I never admitted to him or anyone else the real reason I didn't want guns around. In my younger years, I had a violent temper and lost all sense of responsibility when in a rage. In addition, I'd had, from time to time, suicidal thoughts. Knowing there were guns in the house could have been catastrophic if I were unable to control my anger and depression.
It's possible that woman is not afraid of guns but of herself. My Family Still Doesn't Know My Secret
Dear Secret: Thank you for bringing up a possibility we hadn't considered. For those with a violent temper or severe depression, it can be a great temptation to know there is a lethal weapon nearby. We're glad things never went that far for you.
Creators Syndicate
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