Discipline problems make home-schooling difficult

Q. We have fairly significant behavior problems with our 6-year-old son and have tried various disciplinary approaches with little result. The latest problem involves the fact that I home-school him and have since August of this past year. He isn't at all motivated to work for me, although he was never a problem in kindergarten. The work is on his level, and I have beautiful and interesting hands-on Montessori materials for him.
Nonetheless, the problems are nearly constant. Today, for example, he ended up in his room by 10 a.m., allowed to have only books and no screen time for the rest of the week. I punished him for complaining, lying down (saying he was tired), not following directions and generally goofing off. Am I on the right page here?
A. I recommend against home-schooling when parents are experiencing significant, long-standing discipline problems with the child in question. One can only home-school effectively after discipline problems have been resolved. You've told me that the discipline problems are not of recent origin or "garden variety."
Your authority as his teacher rests on his accepting your authority as his parent, which he doesn't. Under the circumstances, and especially given that he had no problems in kindergarten, I'd put him back in "regular" school. If you decide, against my advice, that you're going to continue home-schooling, I suggest that you find and join a home-school cooperative.
Q. I have home-schooled my sixth-grade daughter on and off through elementary school. This school year, I home-schooled her until October, at which time she said she wanted to go to "real" school again. Now she says she hates school (it's boring and she struggles with math) and wants me to home-school her again. I've figured out that the conflict over home-schooling vs. "real" schooling has to do with the fact that all of her friends attend "real" school and she's very social. Do you think I should take her out and home-school her again?
A. Up until now, you've obviously been letting your daughter decide, for the most part at least, when you home-school her and when she attends "real" school.
The question that you need to answer for yourself is: "Where my daughter's education is concerned, who knows better, me or her?" For what it's worth, I'll answer the question for you: You know better. You've already told me that her decisions are based primarily on emotional factors.
When a decision of this magnitude is based on one person's feelings, and the person is a child, the decision is not likely to be in the child's best interest.
At the very least, I would have her sign a contract in which she agrees to be home-schooled for a minimum period of time before any changes will be considered.
XJohn Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, Ind. 46240 and at his site: http://www.rosemond.com/.