KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She may end relationship because suitor seems to dislike her daughter
Dear Annie: One year ago, I ended my marriage to a guy who adored me but couldn't stand my daughter from a previous marriage. "Amanda" was 6 years old when we married, and he raised her for 10 years before we split up.
I have been in a new relationship with "Richard" for four months. We are talking about marriage, but yesterday, he told me he has changed his mind and he claims the reason is Amanda. Amanda, now 17, is not an angel, but she is not a bad kid, either. She makes good grades, works part time and pays for her cell phone and the insurance on her car. In another year, she will be going away to college.
I know once Amanda no longer lives with me, Richard will propose. However, I had hoped that we'd be making wedding plans already, and when he backed out, I became terribly disappointed. I feel a great deal of resentment toward Richard and am not sure I want to get married anymore.
Why is it so hard for men to accept someone else's child? I suggested that the three of us go into counseling, and although he agreed, he never mentioned it again.
Am I wrong to end this otherwise great relationship? Should I just get over it and marry him anyway, or keep looking for a man who will love my child as much as he loves me? No Name Please
Dear No Name: Thousands of men love their stepchildren as their own. Why this isn't happening with Amanda we don't know, but it may be worth exploring in counseling, with or without Richard.
Amanda is going to be part of your life forever, even if she lives elsewhere. Richard does not have to adore her, but if he makes no effort to get along with her, it's going to be a problem. That said, why are you in such a hurry to get married? Four months is not a very long time. Slow down.
Dear Annie: I am a 21-year-old college student who's getting married this summer, and I don't know if I should invite my father. He's 86, lives in a nursing home and is declining both physically and mentally. He has been diagnosed with dementia and has hallucinations.
My parents are divorced, and my mom has said that the choice is mine whether or not to invite him. I would like to have both my parents at my wedding, but I don't know if my father is up to it, and it's possible his mental state would have a negative effect on my wedding. Help me decide what to do. Almost Bride
Dear Bride: It would be lovely to invite your father. Just make sure you have someone to look after him during and after the ceremony. You won't regret it.
Dear Annie: I have a pet peeve. Stores and shopping centers are supposed to be wheelchair accessible. That is a laugh. Have you ever tried to get a wheelchair into a store to shop? Until my mother was wheelchair bound I never paid attention.
The aisles in the stores are too narrow for the chair, and occasionally, the ramps leading into the store or the parking lot require that you lift the chair over a bump. Should I be complaining to the management of the malls? Is there a watchdog group that checks these things? Columbia Station
Dear Columbia Station: Try the National Council on Independent Living, an advocacy group, at (877) 525-3400 (ncil.org). Or check out information regarding the Americans with Disabilities Act by calling (800) 514-0301 (TDD: 800-514-0383) (usdoj.gov/crt/ada). In Ohio, call (800) 232-6446 (ada-ohio.org). Someone there will listen to your complaint and let you know what, if anything, can be done.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2004 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
43
