HOW HE SEES IT Bush and Cheney will be speaking as one

By JIM SHEA
THE HARTFORD COURANT
Preview of the joint appearance by President Bush and Vice President Cheney before the 9/11 commission:
Mr. President, I'd like to thank you for coming here today.
We're happy to be here.
Mr. Vice President, thank you, also.
We're happy to be here, too.
Um, I can't help but notice that you are responding in unison.
That's correct.
Is there a reason you're doing this?
We would like to remind the commission that you agreed to let us appear jointly.
That's true, but our assumption was that you would come together but answer questions separately.
When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Heh. Heh. Heh.
Seriously, gentlemen, how will we be able to distinguish between your responses?
Easy. One of us is a tenor and the other is a baritone.
Well, I have to say ...
You should hear us when Condi joins in, we sound like Fleetwood Mac.
This is very irregular but ... before we begin, is there anything you'd like to say to the 9/11 victims' families?
There is.
Go ahead.
Hello.
OK, I guess the obvious first question is, did you have any advance warning about 9/11?
We never saw any intelligence that was specific enough to act on.
Wasn't the Aug. 6, 2001, President's Daily Briefing titled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike in U.S.?"
Misleding
That heading was misleading. We thought it referred to a labor issue.
Well, now that you've had a chance to reread the report, what do you think?
We think it's historical.
Why would it be historical?
Because, duh, it already happened.
So how specific does a warning have to be for you to take action?
Plane schedules, passport photos, seat assignments, maybe the courtesy of a personal phone call.
So, unless you have this level of intelligence, you don't take any action?
Right, otherwise you are just swatting flies.
Turning to ... I'm sorry, you had your hands up?
We'd like to have a five-minute recess.
For what purpose?
We have to go to the men's room.
X Jim Shea is a columnist for the Hartford Courant.