KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Sewing machine has sentimental value to her

Dear Annie: My mother died two years ago. Shortly after her death, I helped my father with the painful task of sorting through Mother's belongings and helping him move into a new, smaller residence. Dad gave me Mom's old sewing machine, saying as their only daughter, it made sense for me to have it as a keepsake.
My father has since remarried. He recently e-mailed, asking if he could take back the sewing machine on his next visit. Apparently, his new wife wants to make curtains for their home and requires a sewing machine. He assumed the machine was sitting unused in my basement, but it's not. He did add that he wants it to stay in the family, so when he dies, the machine will be passed on to my daughter.
I am terribly upset. Am I wrong to assume that once you give someone a gift, especially something with great sentimental value, that it is quite rude to ask for it back? I do not understand why Dad needs this particular machine. He can well afford to buy his wife a new one. Frankly, I'm surprised she'd want to use his dead wife's old sewing machine.
This whole situation strikes me as being both tacky and odd. How should I respond to his request? Speechless in Vermont
Dear Speechless: You are under no obligation to return the sewing machine, but it might help to explain why to your father. Tell him the machine means a great deal to you and his request hurt your feelings. To keep peace in the family, how about offering to let your stepmother sew the curtains at your place? It will give you an opportunity to get to know her better, have a cup of coffee and chat, while the work gets done and the machine stays on the premises.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Dover, N.H.," who asked about taking her young sons to the ladies' room. When I traveled with my nephews, ages 4 and 6, I came up with a solution. I let them use the men's room, but told them they had to sing loudly together the entire time they were in there. They gleefully complied since it allowed them to use the "big boys"' bathroom.
They knew if they stopped singing, Auntie had no problem walking in, so they were consistently cooperative. Not only could I hear the boys clearly because of the reverberation of the room, it made everyone around us smile. North Powder, Ore.
Dear Ore: What a clever and amusing solution. We salute you.
Dear Annie: Last week, a dear friend invited my wife and me to dinner at a fancy club in honor of his wife's 60th birthday. Three other couples also attended.
The waiter took our cocktail orders and asked the host if he would be paying the tab for the drinks and the food for the party of 10. The host told him point-blank that everybody was paying his own way. He would pay for his wife and himself.
The rest of us were rather surprised, but we ordered and paid. The next day, several of the other guests mentioned that they were offended by the way the party was handled. We gladly would have given a party for the "birthday girl" at any one of our residences.
Have times changed so much that an invitation to a birthday celebration at a restaurant is just a nod for a "do-it-yourself party"? Bewildered in Camarillo, Calif.
Dear Camarillo: Times have changed only for those hoping to get out of their duties as hosts. Your friend should have made it clear when he issued the invitation that there was an invoice attached. However, since he is a dear friend, we hope you will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn't know any better.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2004 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.