Hey, my grammar ain't bad - it's - its - it's just creative

Every once in a long while, some really helpful person decides to take a red pen to my column and, kindly, send it my way. Anonymously, of course, he or she finds every grammatical error he or she can. And believe you, me, there are many.
Not only do I err unintentionally -- far more often than I care to admit, since I teach composition at a real life university -- but intentionally as well.
Can you imagine such a thing?
For example, in Journalism 101 classes across the nation, reporters are taught to omit a lot of commas, particularly that last one that strict grammarians insist be placed behind the second to last item in a series.
Some of us leave off the comma that should precede a coordinating conjunction that joins two independent clauses, too. Horror of horrors. (Yes, that WAS a sentence fragment.)
We will rarely use a semicolon because it is not as clear as a mere period.
Furthermore, paragraphs have little to do with delineating the start of a new topic. In the newspaper biz, it's called "a way to create white space." Lots of studies have shown that people are more likely to read something with lots of short paragraphs.
Also, if I want to use words like ain't or phrases like "near broke" or "I don't know where his head was at" -- thumbing my nose at the world by ending a sentence with a preposition, ha! -- I can do it. I'm a columnist. I'm actually encouraged to write in the vernacular for my particular column. It's not like I'm William F. Buckley or anything.
Sometimes I'm flattered
A kind soul -- a professor at a competing college, no less -- once wrote and scolded me for being a poor grammar role model. I could do little but be flattered by the obviously bloated prestige he lent me and my little column.
It would be tremendous if my content would actually inspire some readers (and I've been told on occasion that it has), but, as I told that professor with far too much time on his hands, I doubt highly that my column is a role model for anyone's grammar. He needn't have taken it so seriously.
I have been told by a few parents that they and their children do actually read my columns. I would suggest that they use it to find errors in grammar and then correct them -- without, incidentally, sending the corrected columns my way.
It may further assure, or possibly terrify, my mystery critic(s) to learn that my columns go through several other people before seeing the light of day. Most of the errors are put there, by me, on purpose (horrifying shudder here). Yes, I know. I am contributing to the fall of Western Civilization ... or am I?
People expecting to see the standards of Proper English upheld might do better than to look in columns written for general interest. I have different styles, and, when I write for an academic publication, I write differently than I do for The Vindicator. I use a different vocabulary, and I punctuate and paragraph differently.
I got a talking-to
Right after I started writing this column, a reader sent a scathing letter and told me I would never win a Pulitzer Prize, that I needed to produce columns like Dave Barry. Well, first of all, Dave Barry was already in The Vindicator, and second of all, well, Dave Barry writes like Dave Barry. Why would anyone want to read a column by Diane Makar Murphy that sounded like Dave Barry?
As to the Pulitzer, it never occurred to me. (Ironically, I won an AP award that same year.)
Regarding the slings and arrows sent my way via a carefully clipped, red-inked newspaper column, have at it. If it gives you a sense of satisfaction, correct away. I will read your suggestions and, with any luck at all, make new and different errors in the future.
murphy@vindy.com