KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Child's behavior was a constant disruption during visit

Dear Annie: Yesterday, a friend came over to my house with her small child. This boy continually jumped and bounced up and down on my furniture and ran all over the place. His mother never stopped him, even though his shenanigans interrupted our conversation every 30 seconds. My own children, whom I dearly love, are not permitted to do this and were scolded when they tried to emulate this boy. The boy's mother, however, didn't get the hint.
I don't have a lot of valuable crystal lurking about my house, but still, there are hazards. The entire visit, I was a nervous wreck, worrying that this child would bounce off something and hit his head on my bookshelf, TV, armoire or rocking chair, not only breaking my things, but injuring himself.
We have a trampoline, but it was too cold outside to use. I considered telling the child that if he wants to jump, he'd have to come back when the weather gets warmer. Meanwhile, how can I delicately tell the mother to stop her child from jumping on my furniture? She is easily offended. A Big Headache
Dear Headache: Some parents don't realize they do their children no favors by allowing them to behave as they please. Intelligent discipline not only provides children with a sense of security, it makes them welcome everywhere.
It might have helped to conduct the visit in a more child-friendly part of the house, if one exists, but you are entitled to set the ground rules in your own home. It would have been perfectly OK to say to your friend, "Sorry, but I don't allow jumping on the furniture," and then ask the boy to stop. Next time, meet at her house or go to the playground.
Dear Annie: Last year, my husband and I wanted to enjoy our Easter holiday with both of our families. My mother told us to arrive at her house at 5 p.m., so that the children could participate in an egg hunt. This would allow enough time for us to head over to my in-laws' house for dinner at 7.
Unfortunately, my older sister and her husband were an hour late, and Mom insisted on waiting for them. When I told Mom that we had to leave in order to make dinner at my in-laws', she blew up. We felt bad and ended up sticking around, arriving late for dinner instead.
It's Easter again, and this has brought up all the old arguments. My husband and I often fight about our families. I asked him about moving away so I don't have to deal with all this holiday stress, but he says we have to wait until he retires in 10 years. How can I survive that long? Dora in Delaware
Dear Dora: If the problem occurs only around holidays, do your best to keep a lid on your aggravation for those infrequent moments. Also, consider planning your holiday events differently. You do not have to see both sets of parents every time, nor do you need to stay longer than you had planned. Sometimes it's OK to say no.
Dear Annie: This is for "Confused in Atlanta," the insecure wife whose husband of over 20 years told her, "I don't want to be responsible for your security." She mentioned that they had built a successful business together. Besides a marriage counselor, you should have advised her to see a lawyer and an accountant.
If he divorces her, he could reap the benefits of their hard work and leave her with nothing. If he intends to stay married, he shouldn't object to seeing that his wife has legal ownership of her share of their business. Seen It Before
Dear Seen It: The husband said nothing about divorce, but you are right that he should not object to guaranteeing his wife her share of the business. Thanks.
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