KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Meg' insists on making their lives miserable

Editor's note: Today's Annie's Mailbox includes the entirety of Wednesday's column, which was inadvertently left out of the paper.
Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship for nearly four years. "Max" and I became engaged eight months ago, but in the time we have been together, we have broken up three times, and the reason is his daughter, "Meg."
Meg is 28 years old, does not want her father to be happy with anyone and has, in fact, destroyed many of her father's previous relationships. I have never done anything to make Meg dislike me. I actually have bent over backward to try and please her, but she insists on making our lives miserable. Max loves his daughter very much, but since our engagement, she has stopped calling or visiting, refuses to attend family gatherings and sends him nasty, hateful letters.
Six months ago, Max told me to move out because he needs his daughter back. I had sold all of my possessions to move in with him. I had no car, no job and no money, so I wound up living with my daughter and her family. It was really difficult, but I finally found two jobs and bought another car.
At the moment, I am back with Max, but it's only temporary until I can find a place of my own. Max says he misses me, loves me and does not want to lose me, but Meg comes first. Also, I discovered Max had a date with another woman in the few months after I moved out.
What do I do? Meg is disrespectful, manipulative and self-centered. She has her own life. Why can't she let us live ours? No Contest in New York
Dear New York: While children are always important, Meg is a grown woman, and Max should not allow her to dictate his choice of future wife. Since he has made it clear that her wishes come before yours, this relationship sounds doomed.
Please find another place to live immediately. Suggest to Max that he consider counseling so he can learn how to stop being manipulated by his daughter. If he is willing and you want to wait it out, that's your choice, but otherwise, move on.
Dear Annie: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and my parents divorced four years ago. I haven't seen my dad in a long time, and I miss him a lot. I have a hard time concentrating because he is always on my mind. I'm always depressed. I have lots of friends, but I just can't seem to get along with my mom. We are always arguing. Please help me. (P.S.: Will you please publish this so that maybe my father will read it?) Unhappy in Kansas
Dear Kansas: We understand that you miss your father, but it is his responsibility to keep in touch with you. It also means your anger is focused on your mother, who no doubt has her hands full as a single parent.
Talk to your school counselor or a favorite teacher, and ask for help working out your problems with Mom. If you can e-mail or call your father, do so. Let him know you miss him and would like to spend more time with him. But please don't cast Dad as your knight in shining armor. That impression is unrealistic and sets you up to be disappointed and hurt. You deserve better.
Dear Annie: An ex-co-worker calls me at home two to three times a day, and if I don't answer, she keeps at it until I pick up. We used to be friendly, but I no longer have much in common with her. I have Caller ID, but I hate monitoring all my calls, and I don't know how to get her to stop. Any suggestions? No More Phone Calls
Dear No More: If you have Caller ID, you can probably block this ex-friend from phoning. Find out. Then tell Ms. Redial to please stop calling so often. If you aren't willing to do that, change your phone number and make it unlisted.
Dear Annie: I have to respond to your column about parents taking baths with children under the age of 5. I agree that it is perfectly normal if the parent is not a molester. The only problem is that you do not know who the molester is. Molesters do not wear a sign. They can fool anyone. Often, they seem to be the model parent.
I speak from experience. I am a social service worker and knew all the signs. Yet the "wonderful, religious man" I married was later found to be molesting his own children, starting when they were 3 years old. The children seemed bright, happy and very outgoing. Only after one of the children came forward to describe the years of abuse did the man confess and the enormity of his perversion become apparent. My husband's friends were judges, attorneys, doctors and ministers. No one suspected a thing.
There is no reason for children to bathe nude with their parents, ever. We live in a society permeated with sexual lasciviousness. Some people simply have no control after being inundated day after day with sexual thoughts and images.
Child molestation can ruin families for generations. We need to keep our children safe. Tell your readers to keep their clothes on around their children. Teach children that their bodies are private until they are married. Sex is awesome in the right context, but not otherwise. Nameless To Protect the Innocent
Dear Nameless: What a sad world we live in when parents cannot trust one another with their own children. It's true that molesters come in all shapes and sizes and you cannot always tell when one is living in your home. The best advice we can give is to keep your eyes and ears open, supervise all activities, and teach your children to respect their bodies and report anyone who tries to touch them improperly. Meanwhile, be careful not to transmit your anxieties to your kids.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from the single guy who didn't like to meet women in bars. Annie, why don't you proclaim every Tuesday night "Singles Night at the Supermarket"? Grocery managers could profit by providing a meet-and-chat area, or maybe even encourage a scavenger hunt. What a great environment to meet other singles! Not Lonely in Pensacola, Fla.
Dear Pensacola: That's a sweet idea, since many singles already meet others while shopping. Some grocers might want to give this a test run on slow days and start a new trend. Who knows? Maybe love could sprout between the carrots and the broccoli.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Never Been Kissed" really touched me. I did not have a serious boyfriend until I was 24 and didn't date at all in high school or college.
My advice to her is to relax. She first needs to be happy with herself before she can find happiness with others. Also, many guys experience an almost physical pain when rejected and often shy away. It doesn't hurt to ask them first.
I really liked your advice to ask friends to give her "the lowdown." I would add that she should also ask her male friends, if she has any. Guys usually have better insight into other guys. Finally Caught One
Dear Finally: Sometimes it helps simply to know you are not alone. Thanks for providing encouragement and for the great suggestions.
Dear Readers: Today is National Alcohol Screening Day. If you or anyone you know has an alcohol problem, please call (800) 697-6700 (TDD 800-206-6100) and make an appointment for a free, confidential screening.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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