KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Mother dislikes school's policy of identifying student by number

Dear Annie: I would like to get your opinion about something that is happening at my child's school. At the beginning of the school year, all children in grades three and up are assigned a number. The teachers then call the children by their numbers instead of their names. ("No. 15, you need to turn in your homework.")
I find this offensive. Some of the children have started to refer to themselves and each other by their numbers, even when outside of school. I've complained to the principal, but nothing happens. Is this damaging? Michigan Mom
Dear Michigan: Why is the school doing this? Colleges, for example, often use numbers to preserve anonymity and, hence, impartiality. However, it is uncommon in grade school, and it certainly doesn't sound anonymous if the children are calling out, "Hey, No. 22, stop spitting on me!"
How damaging this is depends upon how it is presented. The parents should discuss it with their children and ask how they feel about it. If the kids don't care, and you don't notice any negative effect on their schoolwork or friendships, leave it alone. If it's causing problems, however, the parents should approach the principal as a group, in person. Then, if nothing happens, go to the school board.
Dear Annie: I am having trouble dealing with one of my husband's co-workers. This woman asks "Charles" to fix the plumbing, change lightbulbs, drive her to the store -- the requests are endless.
When Charles first told me about this woman, I agreed that she has a tough time of it, but I think this is too much. I don't believe anything sexual is going on, but it still bothers me. He tells me when she asks for these favors, she says, "Will you get in trouble at home?" She knows it has created problems for us.
Charles says if I tell him to stop, he will, but I don't want to force him. I want the decision to be his. I guess I feel a little sorry for her, too. Charles tells me everything about her, so he's not keeping secrets. How do I overcome this jealousy? Washington, D.C.
Dear Washington: If this is bothering you, Charles should stop. No person should be allowed to damage your marriage. If the woman truly needs assistance, perhaps you could help her now and then, or arrange for some other neighbors or co-workers to take turns giving her a hand. Put her in touch with the local community center and churches. Charles should not allow her to become his responsibility alone.
Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old divorcee and have been dating "Patrick," also age 35, for two years. It's a long-distance relationship. He drives four hours every weekend to see me. Patrick is a sweet and loving man who showers me with gifts, attention and trips.
The problem is that Patrick still lives with his widowed mother, in their family home, which now belongs to him. He says he wants to marry me, but not until I find a job in his area. He wants us to have our own place, while his mother stays in the family home. He cannot afford to pay a mortgage on both residences.
Am I a fool for believing him? In the past two years, I have turned down several career opportunities to concentrate on relocating. How long do I wait before telling him it's over? Impatient Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend: Why are you waiting? He's not going to toss Mom out on the street, he cannot afford to pay for a second place by himself, and he doesn't want a long-distance marriage. If you believe he is sincere, start looking for jobs in his city and give it your best shot.
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