KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Well-intentioned card brought more heartache

Dear Annie: Last June, I lost my mother very unexpectedly. Four other family members also died this past year, and the last several months have been filled with grief and sadness. My siblings and I continue to find strength in the support of our family and friends, although some days are better than others.
Last December, I received what I thought was a Christmas card. However, when I opened it, I found a poem addressed to my family, and get this -- it was signed from my mother "in heaven." I was so upset I could not even read the words. I called my sister and brother, and they, too, received the same cards. There was no return address, but whoever sent them knows all of us quite well because the poem contained many personal details. We were insulted and sickened.
I would like to say something to this person: I know you were well-intentioned, but your poems served as just another reminder that our mother is gone, and there is no comfort in that. It shocked us to see her name at the bottom of those cards. My mother never would have condoned such a thing.
Annie, please print this letter so others will think twice before doing something so hurtful. Still Grieving Daughter
Dear Daughter: Some people have such poor judgment (and taste) that they don't realize such gestures are not appreciated. A card or letter should be signed only by the person who sent it, and the sender should have the decency to identify him- or herself. For shame.
Dear Annie: I've been bulimic for 36 years. I have been through different therapists, counseling, various medications, short- and long-term hospital stays (one stay was four years), acupuncture, hypnosis, several religions and more. The medications made me feel bloated or gain weight, so I stopped using them immediately.
I've gone from 180 pounds in the fourth grade to 78 pounds today. No weight has ever been right. My doctors say to go back into the hospital because medically, I'm at risk. But I know it won't change anything. Until I can get my mind to accept my weight, no hospital can help me. Can you? Dying in Massachusetts
Dear Massachusetts: After 36 years, we may not be able to help, but we'll try. You obviously recognize that bulimia can be life threatening and that you are psychologically unwilling to take the necessary steps. Please allow the doctors to do what they can medically, while you work on the mental-health aspects of your illness.
Give therapy one more try. You never know when things will click into place. Contact the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), P.O. Box 7, Highland Park, IL 60035 (anad.org) for a referral.
Dear Annie: My wife just told me that one should never toss facial tissue into the toilet. Only toilet paper. She says facial tissue can clog the plumbing.
I always assumed that facial tissue and toilet paper were pretty much the same consistency, and either could be disposed of in the toilet bowl. Please clarify this so I can erase the puzzled look from my face. Northridge, Calif.
Dear Northridge: We checked the KLEENEX & reg; Web site, which says the tissue is made with biodegradable cellulose fibers. However, because the tissue has an additive to make it strong, it will not break down as rapidly as bathroom tissue, and the manufacturers suggest you discard facial tissue in the trash. Feeling better?
Dear Readers: Daylight Savings Time begins tomorrow. Those who need to, please remember to set your clocks forward one hour before you go to sleep tonight.
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