ANNIE'S MAILBOX Verbal steamroller lacks communication skills

Dear Annie: I find myself in the awkward position of wanting to help my 24-year-old daughter, "Alice," with a problem she doesn't even know she has.
Though some people are better conversationalists than others, most have at least developed a sense of give-and-take while conversing. She constantly talks over people. She is a verbal steamroller, unable or unwilling to pause.
When I talk with Alice, I must make a comment several times before she is aware that I've said anything. Though she's a cute girl, she does not make new friends easily and never keeps a boyfriend for long, which makes me think her lack of communication skills is hurting her social life.
Is there anything I can suggest for her to help? Steamroller's Mom
Dear Mom: There are people who learn to verbally run down others because, in the business world, it is sometimes the only way to get a word in edgewise. Your daughter seems too young to have encountered this problem, so it is apparently a habit that will require effort to break.
One of the responsibilities of being a parent is that you get to broach unpleasant subjects. The next time Alice verbally runs you over, take her hands in yours and look her straight in the eye. Repeat her name until she stops talking. Then tell her that when she doesn't allow others to respond, she is eliminating the chance to get to know them.
The ability to listen is one of the most prized qualities in a friend. Offer to work with her so she can improve her listening skills, and if you speak in a loving, noncritical manner, perhaps she will hear you.
Dear Annie: I am a widowed senior who married "Chet" after the death of my first husband. Chet is a wonderful man whom I have known for 15 years. My problem is his sister, "Emma." It took four years to develop a relationship with her and her husband, but eventually we became close. We spent time at each others' homes, going to concerts and dining out -- until last summer.
Suddenly, they stopped calling, answering their phone or sending birthday cards. The one time I called and asked if something was wrong, Emma was cool but insisted everything was fine. This is my husband's only sister, and she is in her late 70s. Since all my family has died in the last four years, I know how important it is to stay close. What can I do? Indiana Sister-in-Law
Dear Indiana: It's possible that Emma or her husband are having medical difficulties that they are trying to hide. It also could be that she heard or saw something that made her want to end the friendship, but you won't know unless she tells you. Ask Chet to call or visit his sister and see if he can find out what happened.
Dear Annie: Please tell your readers that anyone who wishes to donate a body for medical research can do so through Science Care Anatomical, which makes all arrangements for persons upon death at no charge to the family. The organization is accredited by the American Association of Tissue Banks, and can be reached at: Science Care Anatomical, 2020 West Melinda Lane, Phoenix, Ariz. 85027, (800) 417-3747 Caroline
Dear Caroline: Thank you.
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