DIANE MAKAR MURPHY Don't worry about obese kids -- Muriel has a plan to flush out the fat

Muriel Puck, a recent transplant to Youngstown from Texas, has devoted her life to fitness. At 17, she was one of only three American women to attempt to swim the length of the Rio Grande River.
At 28, she entered the New York marathon and finished in under 3 hours.
At 57, she entered the Iron Woman senior division and came in third out of 43,300 competitors.
At 64, she is planning to change the lives of all our children for the better. Puck has published a book called, "Out of their Mouths and Into Our Hands." It is a treatise for getting our children back into shape.
In fact, Puck is hoping to institute the changes here in the Mahoning Valley area first. She will put a plan before a consortium of seven area city councils, hoping to change the cafeteria fare in elementary, middle and high schools.
"It's official. Almost two-thirds of Americans are obese," Puck said.
Puck, who has never had a weight problem herself, standing 6-foot-2 with a lithe 145 pounds, has come up with a solution, she said. If the plan is approved, the supplement Desipientia will become a standard part of all school lunches.
The supplement is "odorless, tasteless, and immensely effective," Puck said. "They call it a laxative, but what it is a way for children to get a handle on their poor eating habits. It dampens appetites, speeds up activity levels and makes fat slide right through the system."
Undeterred by opponents
Puck's plan has not been without its opponents, but the healthy-looking, white-haired grandmother of six is undeterred. It's her way. In the 1960s, she led a group of 100 physical education teachers in a march on Washington D.C. to promote good health. "It was somewhat overshadowed by the Civil Rights movement," she said.
Puck said she believes routinely putting the drug into children's luncheon foods without their knowledge is a low-stress way to conquer obesity. "We can ask our children to give up burgers, and make them live on carrots and celery, or we can give them the helping hand they need," she said.
"This completely takes it out of the hands of parents who often don't know what is best for their children," she added.
Puck holds a degree in nutrition from Cavillor University and is employed as a free-lance public relations person for Ridi Cu Lous Laboratories, a pharmaceutical company based in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, which produces Desipientia.
"But that's not why I'm promoting it," she said. "I'm doing that because I believe in it, as part of my overall plan."
Adventure vacation
Puck is gearing up for an adventure vacation which will take her to Antarctica for a cross-country run to the South Pole -- something that only one other 64-year-old woman has ever accomplished. She has trained by running in snow throughout the winter and by placing a tub of ice water in her living room. "I lie in it while I watch TV," she said.
But, she thinks the most impressive thing she will ever do is get Desipientia on school menus. "People think that this is an impossible battle, and I had doubts at first, too," Puck said. "But as soon as I realized I could circumvent parents and take it right to city councils, I knew it was a crusade I could win."
Still, Puck is aware that some parents might object to having their children drugged without their permission. True to form, the straight-forward mother of eight has scheduled a town meeting to explain the virtues of involuntary weight reduction. A one-week sample of the product will also be provided to attendees (for a small fee), so that they may test it for themselves.
"You know," said Puck, "Some people may think this is a joke, and if they know Diane Makar Murphy's April Fool's columns, they would realize they are right." April fool!
murphy@vindy.com