GAIL WHITE Emotional bumps and bruises are part of growing up

My 5-year-old came crying into the house. "He said he isn't my friend anymore!" he wailed. His little heart was broken.
I sat him on my lap, kissed his forehead and told him tomorrow would be a better day. A Popsicle made most of the hurt go away.
I wish I could make all my children's hurts go away with a kiss and a Popsicle.
The older they get, I am finding, the more their hurts hurt me. The umbilical cord is cut at birth but, in many ways, that lifeline that bonds parent and child together is never severed.
When my child is hurting, I hurt. Sometimes, when the harsh realities of life strike, my heart aches for my children.
"It's not fair. It's just not fair!" my child said as he got into the car after an event.
Replaying the situation
He was right. It wasn't fair. I had been sitting in the car stewing over the unjust way he had been treated. I kept telling myself I was over-reacting to the circumstances, but every time I replayed the situation in my mind, I knew that the way my child was being treated was not right.
I had been watching the situation for weeks. I immediately noticed a problem but my child seemed oblivious to it, so I said nothing to him. I can tolerate a certain amount of injustice if my child is happy.
This day, with the tears streaming down his face, I found it difficult to control my anger. I felt like a Mama bear, ready to defend her cub.
When children are cruel to one another I become upset. The Mama bear in me doesn't like bullies. But I find talking to my child, working out the problem -- at least on his end, helps. I have always felt a peace of mind after talking out a problem my child is having with another child.
When adults are cruel or neglectful toward my child I become irate. The Mama bear in me rears up on her haunches, ready to roar. It is hard to explain to a child why an adult would treat them unjustly.
Sometimes talking with the adult helps. Sometimes, it does not.
When child feels pain
That's when the deep, heavy aching burdens the soul. Every parent has felt it at one time or another for their child. Everything could be wonderful in the world, but if your child is hurting, nothing seems right.
The instinctive way to handle the problem during these hurting times is for Mama bear to rear up, claws out, roaring. But mauling is never a pretty sight. Nothing has ever been accomplished by lashing out in anger.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do for your child is give him a kiss and a Popsicle and tell him tomorrow will be a better day.
As he sobbed, "It's not fair!" all I could do was hold his head and say, "I know."
He feels the hurt of this injustice in this situation today, but there will be other injustices done to him in this world. He is learning one of the most difficult lessons: Life is not fair.
He can pout and moan and give up or, he can persevere, try harder and conquer this obstacle.
It's easy to pout and moan and come up with all kinds of excuses to give up. It's harder to persevere and conquer.
Sometimes, the difference between the two is a kiss and a Popsicle.
Things look up
Twenty minutes after his crisis, he is laughing and playing with his brothers. The hurt from the situation is still there and it will continue to be there for a long time. But, in the comfort and security of home, he knows he is loved and he is surrounded by people who believe in him.
Watching him smile and giggle, my world becomes right again. As peace returns to my soul, I am awed by the power of family and humbled by the responsibility of raising children.
Friends may not want to be friends anymore and circumstances in life may not be fair, but there is no hurt or injustice too great for the love of a family to conquer -- helped along with a few kisses and Popsicles.
gwhite@vindy.com