KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She does lion's share of housework, child care

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our mid-30s with three young children. We both work full time and have equal incomes. However, somehow I do 95 percent of the child care and 95 percent of the housework.
I work all day, cook dinner and eat with the kids while "Rick" is either at the office or sitting in front of the TV. Then I clean up, bathe the children, read them a bedtime story and collapse from exhaustion. On the weekends, Rick runs his own errands, while I feed the children breakfast and dress them. One Saturday morning, I took the morning off and Rick found me reading the paper, the kids still in their pajamas and the house a mess. He, of course, asked how I could relax when the bathroom was a disgusting mess. That remark sent me completely over the edge.
The two of us haven't been out together for almost six months. There is little, if any, sex. I love Rick, but I feel like a single mom. I don't want to separate, but I simply can't take it anymore. I suggested to Rick that we consider counseling, but he says we don't need it.
How can I get Rick to do more around the house and take me out on a date once in a while? Miserable in Boston
Dear Boston: Remind Rick that you both have full-time jobs and he isn't keeping up his end as a domestic partner. Make it clear that you are exhausted and fed up. Ask him to select one or two daily jobs, such as bathing the children before bed or washing the dishes. Then make a list of things that need doing and enlist the children's assistance. They can be taught to do simple chores even at a young age.
If Rick refuses to pitch in, insist on household help once a month, or whatever you can manage. And if you want a date with your husband, don't wait for him to ask you. Make the arrangements yourself.
Dear Annie: My mother is in the final stages of cancer, and with the help of hospice, I am caring for her at home.
Mother has been engaged for eight years to "George," a very nice man whom we have welcomed into our family. During a recent visit, George asked Mother why she wasn't wearing her engagement ring. Mom said she had lost weight and the ring was so big, she was afraid of losing it. George then informed Mother that after she died, he wanted the ring back. Mother made me promise that I would do so.
I am terribly upset that George would bring this up while Mother is so ill. The ring is not an heirloom and has no sentimental value for his family. When the time comes, how can I let George know how hurt we are? Or should Mother break the engagement now and send him packing? Hurt Daughter
Dear Hurt: While the engagement ring traditionally belongs to the bride, your mother has agreed to return it. We agree that George's timing is insensitive, but please do not turn this into a source of resentment. Like it or not, this is your mother's decision, not yours.
Dear Annie: I am a regular reader of your column. You recently advised a cheating wife not to confess to her husband. You said it would hurt him and possibly destroy the marriage. Unfortunately, I find myself in this predicament. I cheated on my husband. If it is not a good idea to tell him, who should I talk to? I feel horrible about it. Messed Up in Michigan
Dear Messed Up: Talk to your clergyperson, a therapist or your doctor -- someone who can be a good listener while maintaining professional discretion.
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