WORKPLACE Female execs say women need to brag

Girls are taught not to talk about their achievements, two authors say.
WASHINGTON POST
The scene is rather common: A woman meekly mentions an idea at a meeting, and it is glossed over. A half-hour later in that same meeting, a man speaks up boldly about his very similar idea, and he receives pats on the back.
When the woman leaves the room, she looks to a girlfriend who was in the meeting and complains that the colleague took her idea, or that no one listens to her. And all her friend does is comfort her and agree.
Enough of that, says Gail Evans, author of "She Wins, You Win: The Most Important Rule Every Businesswoman Needs to Know."
Early socialization
Evans, the first female executive vice president at CNN, has a theory. Growing up, little boys are taught that boasting is rewarded. If they boast they are the best goalie in town, and they are able to block the goal, they are cheered on. If a girl boasts she is the best soccer player on her team, the other girls spend their bathroom breaks talking about her.
But if those girls were to rally around the girl soccer star, Evans's thinking goes, women everywhere would win.
"I believe most of us are interchangeable. There are a thousand other people who could do your job," she said.
So selling yourself is important, especially in today's economy, when raises and promotions are bordering on rare, and when jobs seem to be balanced on a strand of dental floss. But that selling will be made much more effective if workplace culture has women who support other women's achievements.
What the woman in the meeting needs is to get over herself. "You get comfort in saying someone stole your idea. And your girlfriends support you in it," said Evans. "So what you get out of the meeting is a feeling that you're victimized, and what he got was an award."
When women tell her their ideas were stolen, Evans explains they need to realize instead that they gave those ideas away. "You are responsible for getting the credit," she said. Speak up, send an e-mail to the boss. Claim it.
Evans believes women too often want perfection. So in the case of the woman in the meeting, her suggestion is not a bold one, because it has to be a flawless idea before she can stand up and announce it boldly.
"If you always want to be perfect, you never speak up, or you speak up tentatively, so you are never able to sell yourself or your ideas because you're not comfortable. If a person says a half-baked idea with enough passion, people believe it."
Although there is no definitive study showing women are often less able then men to sell themselves, said Sheila Wellington, president of Catalyst, a nonprofit organization that studies working women, she feels "women are socialized not to negotiate hard."
Increasing visibility
Wellington wrote a book in 2001 called "Be Your Own Mentor" after she decided women do nothing to increase their visibility. In her view, they need to make themselves more obvious.
"Volunteer for visible assignments, make sure if you're at a meeting and there is a question that you think is pertinent, ask that question. Make the comment. Join associations, professional organizations, get out there and network. Talk about what you know," she said.
Depending on others to recognize a job well done is not a good option. If a woman works hard, achieves at work, but keeps her head down, she simply won't get credit for a job well done.
It is in this vein that Peggy Klaus wrote the book "Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It." Klaus started her work as a consultant to help people sell themselves. Most of her clients were men at the very top levels. She found they had a hard time talking about themselves in an interesting and entertaining way. Some were self-deprecating. But there were others who exhibited too much braggadocio.
Bragging and critiquing
So Klaus started what she calls brag parties. She helps clients come up with an interesting pitch about themselves, and then they are critiqued on their performance.
Soon, she found many of her clients were women. They had excuses for not speaking up. They were introverted. Or they didn't want to brag, as it might be taken the wrong way. Or they were too proud, thinking their good work should be noticed.
Klaus and the others don't see hanging back as an option. Women especially should brag a little and push each other to stop making excuses, while recommending others they admire for promotions, or simply mention a job well done. It helps everyone.
"We've been walking around saying, 'I can do it.' But we need to say, 'We can do it,"' said Evans. "It's easier to sell yourself when you have support and allies. And the natural support is going to be from other women who are struggling the same way you are."