Weeee! OSU's radio home(r)

"Welcome back everybody. Alongside Jim Lachey, I'm Paul Keels and we're back at Indiana Stadium as Ohio State leads the Hoosiers 3-0 midway through the second quarter."
"Pretty explosive offensive explosion so far for the Buckeyes, Paul. But our offense needs to get something going. We hasn't scored an offensive touchdown in the last 67 quarters."
"Sure haven't. The Buckeyes have the ball second and 10 at their own 23-yard line. Quarterback Craig Krenzel takes the snap and hands to tailback Maurice Hall, who is hit immediately and falls ahead to the 24."
"Aw, that's terrible play calling. Hall runs right into two Hoosiers and is dropped immediately. We just can't get anything going in the running game."
"Sure can't. That carry brings up a third and 9 at the 24 as the Buckeyes line up in an I-formation with Drew Carter split out right and Michael Jenkins out left. Krenzel under ...
"AWWWWW, come on! Movement. Another stupid penalty. We're killing ourselves with these penalties."
Is there an echo in here?
"Looks like left tackle Rob Sims moved early and that will move the Buckeyes back another 5 yards. Let's go down to the sideline to Jim Karsatos."
"Well guys it looks like Rob Sims moved early and that will move us back 5 yards. Back to you."
"Thanks JK. So Ohio State will have third and 14 at its own 19. Single back set with Jenkins and Carter out wide and Chris Gamble in the slot. Krenzel takes the snap and steps back to pass. He's flushed out of the pocket, rolls right and fires down the middle to Jenkins, who spins out and ...
"OH-OH-OH! HE'S GOT IT!."
" ... drops the pass. Jenkins had it in his hands, but he couldn't hang on. And Ohio State is still looking for its first first down of the game."
"Jenkins needs to make that catch. Paul, if this Buckeye offense is going to do anything today, they can't be making mistakes like that. "
"Sure can't. And that will give the Buckeyes a fourth and 14 at the 19."
"It looks like Jenkins was shaken up a little bit on the play and seems to be holding his leg. He's hobbling a little bit."
"Sure is. Let's go down to the sidelines with Jim Karsatos."
"Well guys it looks like Jenkins was shaken up a little bit on the play and seemed to be holding his leg as he came off the field. Back to you."
No offense, but there is none
"Thanks JK. And on fourth down the Buckeyes line up in punt formation. B.J. Sander is back to punt and he fields a good snap and booms one to Glenn Johnson back at his own 14 yard line ..."
"FUMBLE!"
"Johnson fumbles the ball and Mike D'Andrea falls on it near Indiana's sideline and rolls out of bounds! Ohio State has the ball at the Hoosier 13, but Indiana is protesting that D'Andrea was out of bounds before he recovered the fumble."
"And it looks like there's some pushing and shoving going on down there. The last thing the Buckeyes need is a stupid penalty."
"The referees are talking it over and ..."
"LOOK OUT!"
"Brutus, Ohio State's mascot has just pummeled one of Indiana's players and is on the ground raining blows on his head! The referees are right in the middle trying to break up what has become a riot near the Indiana sideline. Let's go down to the sideline to Jim Karsatos."
"Well guys this is unfolding right in front of me as Brutus just ran from the back of the end zone and jumped right on one of Indiana's players. Back to you."
"Thanks JK, and now it looks like some of Ohio State's players have joined in the fray. And now several of them have climbed into the stands to fight with members of Indiana's band! Unbelievable! This is utter madness!"
"But I'll tell you one thing, Paul. It might be the first interesting thing this offense has done all season."
XJoe Scalzo is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write him at scalzo@vindy.com.