KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Sister is concerned about mother's drinking

Dear Annie: My sister recently told me that she is concerned about Mom's drinking. While I haven't lived in the same city as my mother in nearly a decade, I see her regularly, and I do know she drinks more than what I consider a healthy amount, although I've never seen her drunk. I'm aware that she consumes wine with dinner every night. She claims it is "only a glass" and that she waters it down with ice. But the glass is a brandy snifter, and she keeps topping it off until she's ready to go to bed.
When Mom calls me in the evening, her speech is often slurred, and she gets overly sentimental. My sister claims that on weekends, Mom starts drinking before noon, and that she and my stepfather often go out to lunch and have at least one or two beers. Then, of course, there's the evening "glass" of wine.
It's not as if Mom is drinking hard liquor all day long, but I feel that if she doesn't watch out, she'll be heading down that slippery slope. There is a fair amount of alcoholism in her family, so I have cause to worry.
I've talked to Mom about it, but she brushes me off, saying I'm overly dramatic and worrying needlessly. What is your advice? Daughter in Montreal
Dear Daughter: Your mother sounds like an alcoholic already. It doesn't matter if she is consuming hard liquor, beer or wine. What matters is that she apparently needs to drink, and she does it until she is sloshed.
Please contact Al-Anon for information and to find out the best way to handle your mother's drinking. The number is (800) 425-2666 (www.al-anon.org).
Dear Annie: I'd like to add to your advice to "Helena, Mont.," who wrote that her stepmother-in-law, "Lillian," who is hard of hearing, picks up a stray word from a conversation and then rattles on and on about something else, driving everyone to distraction.
I also am hearing impaired, and I do the same thing. It's a desperate attempt to get involved in the conversation. I'd like to offer some tips for including Lillian: 1. Speak slowly and distinctly, which is far more helpful than speaking loudly. 2. Make sure she can see your face when you talk. Hearing-impaired people rely on lip reading, whether they know it or not. 3. Mute all background noises, including TV, radio and stereo. 4. If you are talking about something with which she is unfamiliar, give her some context, such as "We're discussing our neighbor, Fred, who owns a boutique." 5. Occasionally ask her a question, making sure it's something she can answer.
If the family conscientiously follows these tips, Lillian won't do quite so much yakking, and they will all feel better about one another. Joan in Colorado
Dear Joan: Thank you for your compassionate suggestions. We hope Lillian's family is reading this and putting it to good use.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate