KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Absence of schooling concerns 5-year-old's aunt

Dear Annie: I have a 5-year-old nephew whose mother has not yet put him in preschool. "Christopher" doesn't know how to write his name, nor can he identify letters or colors. He can count only to six. His parents do not read to him. I know his mother doesn't like to get up in the morning, and that's one of the reasons she hasn't bothered to enroll him anywhere.
I don't live in the same state as my nephew, but I am a big part of his life. As the boy's aunt, is there anything I can do? This weighs heavily on me, and I'd appreciate some advice. Could this be considered a form of child neglect or abuse? A Sad Aunt Out West
Dear Aunt: It doesn't seem so. While preschool programs have been shown to help children do better in school, the programs are not mandatory, and Christopher's mother does not have to enroll him.
Christopher is lucky to have such an involved aunt in his life. There are many books and educational toys that help children learn the basics on their own. If you can afford it, please consider giving some to Christopher as a gift.
Dear Annie: I read your column with the readers' responses to "Cheated on in Michigan," whose boyfriend preferred pornography to the real thing. One reader said the girlfriend should clean up, shave and so on. The same can be said for men. After 40 years of marriage, I would love to say that my husband still excites me, but unfortunately, that's not the case.
"Marvin" isn't hooked on pornography. He's hooked on his job and the television set. I shower daily, keep my hair fixed, brush my teeth and look reasonably attractive for my age. Yet when I ask for a hug, it's a brief, unfeeling, compulsory wrapping of arms around my shoulders, and then he's gone. I never have refused his sexual advances, but I must endure it when he comes to bed and turns his back to me. Once I tried initiating intimacy, and he actually rolled away.
I'm tired of men saying they don't get enough sex. If they would treat their women like love objects instead of sex objects, they might find we respond the way they want. Frustrated in Oklahoma
Dear Frustrated: Marvin may have other problems that are interfering with his ability to enjoy a satisfying sex life. If he hasn't seen a doctor lately, please ask him to make an appointment. Read on for more about "Cheated on in Michigan":
From California: I am a woman in a serious monogamous relationship, and I find pornography to be very exciting. In a long-term relationship, sex is the first casualty. Women should not feel threatened by porn but should embrace the fact that their husbands and boyfriends are not at strip clubs, hiring prostitutes, or, worse, having affairs to get what they need sexually. My sex drive is not what it used to be, but finding my boyfriend at home, waiting for me with a video or a magazine, reignites those old feelings.
New Mexico: Personally, I like porn because I don't like live women. I find females to be obnoxious, demanding, boorish, stupid and a vex on humanity. At least with porn, when I'm done watching the video, I can turn it off. Women don't come with a shut-up switch. I'm a male chauvinist pig and proud of it. All women are good for is producing kids, cooking and cleaning.
Mississippi: I applaud you for taking on this thorny and controversial topic in your column. I encourage married couples to learn to share their self-gratification together. Enjoying it with one another and assisting each other with this intimate act can break down all sorts of barriers. It's a joyful part of my own marriage.
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