Touching closes gaps in couples

By BARTON GOLDSMITH
SCRIPPS HOWARD
In a relationship, touching each other is the most powerful form of communication. Touch heals and provides emotional food.
Many studies have been done that prove this. One of the most famous revealed that infants who were not touched daily failed to thrive. Do you know that some elderly people actually go to medical doctors so that they will be touched by another human being? It's sad some people live that way, but they really don't have to.
We don't touch enough in America. In a study done by Dr. Sidney Gerrard, he found that people in Puerto Rico touched an average of 180 times a day and people in France touched about 110 times a day (so much for the French being the most romantic). Now compare those numbers to how much we touch in our country. Care to guess? The average American couple touch only two times a day, and, yes, this does include sex -- though some might think that if their partners could have sex without touching them, they would.
These statistics actually shocked me. The combination of a toucher and a nontoucher is one of the most difficult relationships to have because neither partner has a deep emotional understanding of what the other person needs. The touching partner is usually feeling unfilled, abandoned and hurt while the nontouching partner cannot understand why such a big deal is being made about it.
Nontouchers might say, "I touch you every time we have sex, don't I?"
Just deal with it
If you haven't figured it out yet, touching only when you have sex is not enough -- not nearly enough, and it makes the neglected partner angry. When we get angry we don't want to be touched, so the whole cycle becomes this very uncomfortable dance of touch me, don't touch me, but please touch me. It is so painful. If you love your partner but don't touch him or her outside the bedroom, there may be some low-grade anger in both of you that needs to be looked at.
Couples who are caught up in this nontouching merry-go-round need to stop and deal with it -- and I mean now. Hold your partner's face in your hands, or just hold hands. Let your partner feel your fingers against his or her shoulder or back when you pass each other in the house. Kiss gently, in a nonsexual way, so your partner can feel the unconditional part of your love.
If you are not naturally a toucher -- perhaps because you were brought up in a nontouching household -- you need to get out of your box. This may feel uncomfortable at first, but I have seen many instances in which a nontoucher became the can't-get-enough type in a very short time.
Since the dawn of humanity, touch has been one of the greatest gifts in our very short lives. Hold the person you love tightly, and feel your hearts touch. It is the closest thing to heaven that we have on Earth.