'GIRLS' NIGHT OUT'

By MARY ELLEN PELLEGRINI
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
WOMEN SOLVE PROBLEMS, NAV-igate life's challenges and celebrate their accomplishments in the company of sisters, mothers, friends and colleagues.
The phenomenon of women gathering together is the subject of Tamara Kreinin and Barbara Camens' book "Girls' Night Out" (Crown Publishing -- Random House). "There is a very comforting and healing effect when women feel connected to other women," said Camens, an Austintown native and attorney in Washington, D.C.
In words and pictures, the book visits women's groups throughout the country that have endured age and life experience. Their stories are as varied as the women themselves. From twentysomething careerists to senior citizens, bridge players to motorcycle riders, each group serves as an anchor in the women's lives.
"Girls' Night Out," which began on a dare, has struck a chord with women in all stages of life. "Women process their experiences and work through feelings by talking about them," said Camens. Having a close, nonjudgmental group of friends provides a safe place to vent, grieve and learn.
Connections of hometown
Growing up, Camens found her safety net in close girlfriends and her mother. "My mom was always someone I could talk to about issues in my life, get advice from and unload the pressures of the day."
When Camens moved to Washington, D.C., she missed the quality of friendships she had enjoyed in Austintown. Although the attorney says she didn't recognize it at the time, "I was searching for that kind of comfortable connection where you can share your life."
Camens and a friend re-created that sense of community with a support group they started 21 years ago.
"We were young single women away from home, starting new careers." The women, who meet every three or four weeks around someone's dinner table, have seen one another through marriages, births, divorces and deaths. "We lived out our adult lives in each other's presence," she noted.
The benefits of significant relationships in surviving life's rough spots is a lesson Camens was taught in her youth. But it wasn't until adulthood that she fully understood the impact of these interactions. She finds many women who also underestimate these associations.
Reasons for book
"We want women to value their friendships and take time to nurture these friendships," Camens explained of their reasons for undertaking this project. "It's a very unselfish act to tend to the relationships in your life." You will feel stronger, healthier, more refreshed and more self-confident, she added.
With women conditioned to be caregivers for others and society more isolated, forming lasting relationships requires a more concerted effort today, Camens knows.
Each of the book's 15 chapters details the origins of a different group. "We were blown away by the degree of candor," Camens said of the women who let them into their lives.
One group began when their carpool ended. Another came together to deal with the fear and stress of caring for elderly, ailing husbands.
In spite of the differences, a common thread runs through all the groups -- the connection and commitment to members of their association.
Advice on starting club
Along with inspiring tales, "Girls' Night Out" includes a how-to chapter filled with practical advice on starting your own group. Kreinin and Camens recommend finding a partner, then carefully thinking through your goals and who you want to invite.
They also discuss choosing activities, setting ground rules, determining group size and ensuring an emotionally safe environment. "Be realistic in how often and where you can meet so everyone can honor the commitment," Camens stressed.
At the start of their collaboration on "Girls' Night Out," Kreinin and Camens were members of the same women's group in Washington. "In the middle of the project, my co-author moved to New York. We were in two different cities juggling family commitments, travel, photography and writing," Camens said.
Parents' lessons
The values of hard work and responsibility instilled by her parents got Camens through the project. She maintained her full-time law practice, getting up at 4:30 a.m. to write before going to the office or finding time after her sons were in bed at night.
Writing the book "was one of the best, most satisfying experiences of my life," Camens said. The process gave her an opportunity to reflect on her days in Austintown.
"I learned the value of a rooted community. There is a real comfort to having a history with people. I didn't understand at the time what a valuable, wonderful thing that was."
XBarbara Camens will read selections from her book at Barnes and Noble in Boardman on Saturday at 2 p.m. and will sign books afterward.