ANNIE'S MAILBOX Katie has no respect for family

Dear Annie: My brother recently proposed to his girlfriend, "Katie." The problem is, Katie is very inconsiderate to my family. I'll explain.
Katie will walk into the family room and change the channel when others are watching TV. She has "borrowed" clothes from my sister without permission and then lost them. She attacks my religious convictions and says my beliefs are stupid. She takes my parents' generosity for granted and demands things of them their own kids would not dream of.
We all have tried hard to make Katie feel welcome in our family. We also tell her when she has hurt someone's feelings, but she doesn't seem to care. My brother is aware of Katie's shortcomings, but he refuses to say anything to her.
My parents and sister often complain to me about Katie. I try to stay neutral, but it's not easy. I love my brother and want to support him, but it breaks my heart to see him with someone who has no respect for us. Is there anything we can do to make life bearable with Katie in the family? We don't want to be mistreated, but we also don't want to lose my brother. Frustrated in Canada
Dear Frustrated: Katie sounds like a rather unpleasant sort, but unfortunately, this is the person your brother has chosen. You are wise to stay neutral.
Your brother is an adult and must make his own decisions, good or bad. But that does not mean you have to put up with rudeness. If Katie changes the channel, say, "Sorry, we were watching that," and change it back. Tell her you'd prefer she ask permission before borrowing clothes. Always be sweet. Never say a bad word about her to your brother. We can't promise things will improve without an effort from Katie, but it helps if you don't provide any excuses for her to cut off contact.
Dear Annie: This letter is on behalf of my 7-year-old daughter. "Susie" was born with a congenital defect and wears a below-knee prosthesis. She is smart, happy and well adjusted. She even skis and ice-skates.
Susie is finishing second grade and has been increasingly agitated by questions about her leg. We have told her that people are naturally curious, especially children.
She understands that there is no mean intent, but nonetheless, she does not like being singled out for this kind of attention. We have told her that she does not need to respond and give total strangers details of her life.
Please, Annie, remind your readers that it is rude and hurtful to ask these personal questions. Susie's Mom
Dear Mom: If there were some magical way to make people considerate at all times, we would gladly wave a wand and make it so. Unfortunately, Susie is going to continue encountering these intrusive questions. Your approach to the problem is appropriate and helpful, and Susie will eventually learn how to handle the questions without becoming upset. Kudos to you, Mom, for raising such a well-adjusted child.
Dear Annie: Our friend, "Maggie," has been married to "Joe" for three years. When they come to visit, Joe always stands near the door and never removes his coat. If they are just arriving, he stands near the front door. If we move into another part of the house, Joe stands near the rear door. He rarely sits down, and in the winter, he doesn't remove his coat, even if they stay several hours. We find this unusual and annoying. Is this a sign of behavior problems? Annoyed Friends in the Midwest
Dear Friends: Does it matter? Joe obviously has some issues, perhaps an anxiety disorder, and is more comfortable wearing his coat, standing by the door. Leave him be.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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