WORKPLACE Fear of asking keeps women from equality

Fear of negotiating can keep women from earning what they deserve.
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
A group of female graduate students at Carnegie Mellon University went to economics professor Linda Babcock's office to complain: Their male peers were getting plum teaching jobs, while most of them were stuck as teaching assistants.
Would Babcock investigate for them?
Babcock went to an associate dean in charge of teaching assignments and asked for an explanation.
"He said 'The women just don't ask,'" Babcock said. "I thought I might be on to something."
That "something" is now a book, "Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide," out this month.
Babcock and co-author Sara Laschever, a Massachusetts free-lance writer, spent the past five years researching and writing the book. They say that if a woman isn't getting ahead, it's probably because she's not asking for what she deserves.
Ample evidence from their book suggests that women are more afraid of negotiating than men and will go out of their way, and even spend money, to avoid it.
Findings:
Among the authors' findings from surveys and other research conducted for the book:
U 2.5 times more women than men said they feel "a great deal of apprehension" about negotiating.
U When asked to pick a metaphor for negotiating, men usually picked a scenario like "winning a ballgame," while women picked "going to the dentist."
U Men initiate a negotiation about four times more often than women.
U A fear of negotiation can lead women to shy away from asking for a promotion or raise, bargaining down the price of a car, or asking a spouse to do more work around the house.
The authors say such behavior costs women dearly. For example, Babcock said failing to negotiate a starting salary can cost a working woman nearly half a million dollars by the time she's 60. They also found that some women are willing to spend as much as $1,353 to avoid negotiating the price of a car.
And even though most women realize negotiation is appropriate and sometimes even necessary, about 20 percent of women never negotiate at all, according to Babcock and Laschever.
Societal stigmas
This is a serious problem, the authors assert, especially because divorce rates are high, more women are working outside the home and more women are having children alone. And with union membership at very low levels, both men and women have to rely on themselves to negotiate for what they want in the workplace.
In their research, they found no significant difference in age when it came to a fear of negotiating.
"We fundamentally haven't changed the way we raise our kids -- girls are taught to focus on the needs of others, not on themselves," said Babcock.
So should women become more like men? Babcock said no.
"Women who are perceived as aggressive aren't treated well in our society," she said. While she recognizes this is a double standard, she says women can get around it.
"People think the way men do things is right, that it's the default for appropriate," said Babcock. "Women have to realize they don't have to put on a super-competitive posture."
Babcock said a woman's approach to negotiating -- when she actually does negotiate -- is more collaborative. That's good, she said, because it helps maintain long-term relationships in the workplace and at home.
"Women are terrific negotiators, for their kids and families, and for their employers," said Babcock. "When it comes to negotiating for themselves, that's when the rubber hits the road."