What I'll do on my summer vacation

This summer I will buy a wiffle ball bat as yellow as July sunshine and I will invite all the kids in the neighborhood to play, even if some of them are girls.
We will use a trash can lid as first base, a hat as second and somebody's shirt as third. Home plate will be a paper plate, and it will blow away every five seconds, but no one will think to use something else.
We will use ghostrunners and we will not use gloves and I will throw the ball at a runner and fight over whether I have to tag him. When I lose, I will take my ball and go home.
I will fly a kite this summer and I will wonder why I don't fly kites more often. I will then forget to fly a kite again until next summer.
This summer I will go to the driving range for only the second time in my life and grab the $4.25 "Big Blaster" 3-wood lying on the counter. I will hit at least 55 slices, pausing only to apologize for topping the ball into the shin of the guy next to me.
I will watch Tiger Woods win by 15 strokes on TV this summer as he tries to sell me Buicks, Wheaties and Nikes. I will buy a pair of Nikes. I will still stink at golf.
A game of catch
This summer I will throw a football to my friend on the beach and whenever I see a pretty girl I will chuck the ball 25 yards over his head and smile at the girl. My friend will understand. I will forget to wear sunblock and I'll get so sunburned that I can't take a hot shower for three days. I will still take hot showers.
I will play catch with my older brother this summer and we will practice throwing sliders, curveballs and knuckleballs. We will instead throw mostly changeups until one of them actually curves, dipping below my glove and rolling into the bushes. I will spend the next 20 minutes wishing we hadn't used the ball with the grass stains and he will spend the next 20 minutes telling me he's pretty sure there's no poison ivy in the bushes.
This summer I will catch fireflies in a jar and poke holes in the top of the lid so they can breathe. I will leave them there overnight and when I wake up in the morning, I'll wonder where they went. I'll never find out.
I will spend hours shooting baskets, even if it's windy, and if it's windy I will blame every missed shot on the wind. I will attempt a fadeaway jumper with a hand in my face to win Game 7 of the NBA Finals and when I miss it, I will say that I was fouled. I will go to the line and keep shooting until I make two in a row.
This summer I will buy a hammock and fall asleep in it listening to Tom Hamilton on an AM radio. I will wake up when he gets too excited about a fly ball to the warning track. I will fall back asleep.
I will shag fly balls in the outfield this summer, using my Los Angeles Raiders hat to swat at the mosquitos. I will sweat. I will spit. I will watch my friend swing and miss and tell him I could feel the breeze from out here. And when I run in to bat, I will catch my breath and take a big swig of punch, leaving a bright red Kool-Aid mustache just above my lip.
It's outta here
This summer I will imitate Manny Ramirez's swing and I'll hum Frank Sinatra's "Summer Wind" while trotting around the bases on a summer-wind aided home run.
I will yell at my friends for complaining about the heat and quitting early and I will quote "The Sandlot" when I say "Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears his mama's bra, raise your hand."
And when they raise their hands, we will go the pool and I will solidify my reputation as the world's worst diver. I will do cannonballs and I will splash people and I will get yelled at by the cute lifeguard for running around the pool. And when I see her, I will imagine that she's Wendy Peppercorn and I'm Michael "Squints" Palledorous and I will smile and sing "This Magic Moment."
Because it will be. Summer always is.
XJoe Scalzo is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write him at scalzo@vindy.com.