KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Pressure to have sex is overwhelming her

Dear Annie: I'm a 16-year-old girl in high school, and I'm having trouble with boys. There's a lot of pressure to have sex, and it's often overwhelming.
I have been seeing "Jason" for six months. I know he wants to lose his virginity to me, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I truly care about Jason and sometimes think I should just get it over with. On the other hand, I was taught that my virginity is special and I should wait until I'm married.
I know Jason loves me, but I'm worried he might pressure me into something I don't want to do. I'm not stupid. If he were the type of guy who made me uncomfortable, I wouldn't be with him. But I like Jason so much, I figure, if I'm going to lose my virginity eventually, it might as well be with him.
Can you give me some advice? Confused in Colorado
Dear Confused: You sound like a bright, sensible girl, and it seems clear that you are not ready. It doesn't matter how Jason feels. You don't have to do this to please him, keep him or be like everyone else. Wanting to "get it over with" is no reason to have sex.
Aside from sexually transmitted diseases and the risk of pregnancy, there are other reasons to wait. Your friends may tell you sex is no big deal, but the truth is, having sex can create an emotional attachment, especially for a teenage girl. If Jason respects you, he will respect your decision to wait. If he pressures you, it's not love, honey, it's lust, and when the novelty wears off, so will the relationship. If you're not sure, it means you need more time. Please wait. You won't be sorry.
Dear Annie: I am a single woman living in an apartment building in a small community. The problem is my neighbor, "Linda." She stops by every so often, but when I have a man over, you can be sure she will be on my doorstep. She has already broken up two of my relationships, because she invited my male friends to her house and got rather chummy with them, if you get my drift.
Recently, I have become involved with "Jared." I told Linda I would appreciate it if she wouldn't get too friendly with him. She said not to worry.
Meanwhile, she went behind my back and invited Jared to her house and gave him her phone number. When I confronted her, Linda said she sees nothing wrong with having an innocent cup of coffee with one of my boyfriends.
I realize if these men cared about me, they wouldn't give Linda a second look, but I still believe a real friend should not behave this way. I can't afford to move, and I'm tired of Linda going after every man I date. Any advice? Kentucky Single
Dear Kentucky: Face it. Linda is not a real friend, she's a shark. She enjoys the challenge of stealing your guys, so stop letting her in your door when you are entertaining. Meanwhile, you need some new friends. And while you're at it, try to date guys with more integrity.
Dear Annie: My wife has a habit of downplaying sincere compliments. If I say, "You look nice in that dress," her reply is likely to be, "This is just an old rag." If I tell her she did a great job cleaning the house, she'll sigh, "I guess you haven't seen the kids' room yet." It hurts that my nice words aren't good enough. Why can't she accept a compliment without putting herself down? Perplexed in Ohio
Dear Ohio: Your wife doesn't feel she deserves those compliments, but keep giving them. When she makes excuses, stop her in mid-sentence and tell her, "Just say, 'Thank you."' Repeat as necessary. After a while, it will become second nature.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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