KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Sex with her husband is 'just plain icky'

Dear Annie: I am a 39-year-old professional woman, independent and attractive. I've been married for nine years to a man whom I respect. "Paul" is educated, good-looking, kind, has strong values, loves me very much, and he and my family adore each other. We have no children.
The problem? Our relationship is purely platonic. We do not socialize together or take vacations together, and sex is not only an activity we avoid, the thought of being intimate with him repulses me. Sex with Paul is just plain icky.
To fill that void in my life, I have been in a sexual and romantic relationship with another man for three years. He is married and has two adult children. We both understand our limited relationship for what it is and don't expect more.
I am dissatisfied with the lack of intimacy in my marriage, dissatisfied with the limited nature of my affair, and I hate deceiving my spouse. However, Paul is a wonderful friend, and our marriage apparently satisfies him, and it makes my family happy. Paul and I have discussed the lack of sex, but he doesn't care whether we are intimate or not. He simply doesn't want to be old and alone.
Is it better to stay in a marriage that satisfies everyone else and find intimacy where I can? Or, should we each find someone with whom we can be both intimate and happy? Is sex all that important to a marriage, or is it really about mutual support, friendship and family? Please help. No Cinderella Living Here
Dear Cinderella: The best marriages combine all of those factors. For most couples, sex is an integral part of marriage. Only you, however, can decide where it ranks on your list of priorities.
Sex notwithstanding, you seem miserable. It is difficult and unpleasant to stay in a marriage simply because it makes other people happy. Ask Paul to go with you for marriage counseling so you can determine what's best for your future.
Dear Annie: While being treated for a minor medical problem, my 12-year-old son chatted with his doctor about our city's sports team. The doctor, a fellow sports fan, mentioned that one of his patients was a certain prominent athlete on the team. My son was duly impressed, but I am concerned that this disclosure violated the doctor-patient confidentiality rules.
There was no mention of the athlete's medical condition or nature of treatment. However, I am still bothered by the incident. Is it proper for medical professionals to reveal the names of their patients? What should I do? Troubled in the North
Dear North: Nothing. Unless the doctor discussed the athlete's medical information, no rules were violated. It was indiscreet, but not criminal.
Dear Annie: I am a 50-year-old fitness buff who lifts weights at an advanced level. I help my husband with all sorts of "male" tasks and have energy to spare. I therefore find it incredibly frustrating when I can't get the lid off a jar or bottle. Why do manufacturers insist on using a hydraulic torque wrench to install these things? Before you tell me to write them a letter, I find there are too many to count.
We can't boycott all of those companies, or meals could become rather boring. Got any ideas? St. Lazare, Quebec, Canada
Dear Quebec: Some lids are sealed for safety reasons. Nonetheless, they can be a pain to open, no matter how strong you are. There are inexpensive gadgets you can purchase at the grocery store or pharmacy that will help grip the containers so you can open them more easily. If all else fails, run the lid under hot water, or bang around the edge with a large spoon to release the pressure.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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