KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox 'Gordon's' hobby leaves her cold-blooded

Dear Annie: I am very much in love with "Gordon." We are compatible on many levels, and we each have several hobbies. Unfortunately for me, one of Gordon's hobbies is collecting reptiles. He has quite a variety. His favorites are corn snakes, and he is trying to breed them.
We have considered moving in together and have discussed buying a house, so Gordon will have space for the reptiles. He wants to put the snakes in the basement where he can control the temperature. I am not crazy about snakes. In fact, they make my skin crawl, and I have mentioned this to Gordon. I don't want to issue any ultimatums, but I do not want to live with his "babies," as he calls them.
I have suggested to Gordon that he put the reptiles in a garage, but he is worried about the temperature. At the moment, we are looking for a house with a heated garage. They are hard to find in our price range.
Gordon is a wonderful and loving man. If we can't find a house with a heated garage, what can I do to convince Gordon to stay with me? I don't think I can manage with those snakes in the house. Creepy Crawlers in Texas
Dear Texas: Our research on corn snakes indicates they are beautifully colored and docile, and can live 10-15 years with proper care. However, they are known as "escape artists" and frequently flee their tanks, so we can understand your reluctance to have them in the house.
If you cannot find a place with a heated garage, snake experts say regular heating pads can provide enough warmth under most circumstances. Beyond that, there isn't much compromise left, unless you learn to love snakes as much as Gordon does. If that is impossible, Gordon will have to decide what his priorities are.
Dear Annie: I was appalled at your response to "Ain't Misbehavin' Anymore in Chicago," who had an affair with a friend and wanted to confess. You said if she thought her husband could forgive her, go ahead and do it, but otherwise keep quiet. I think you were totally off the mark. She needs to be forthright with her husband, and when he forgives her, go to counseling, and then tell the supposed "friend" to never talk to either of them again. Your response implied that you condone that behavior as long as the third party does not find out. Chad on the Internet
Dear Chad: A lot of readers were upset with us, but we are sticking to our guns. We admit it was a difficult question, and we debated the response, but we decided to let a friend "guide" us. Ann Landers always said confessing to one's spouse about an affair was a mistake. She counseled spilling the beans to a clergyperson or therapist instead of ruining a marriage.
The truth is, some spouses are forgiving and manage to get over the betrayal, but many cannot. The trust is gone, and the marriage eventually disintegrates. Here's one more on the subject that makes our point clear:
Dear Annie: Thank you for your comments to "Ain't Misbehavin'." After four years of marriage, my husband informed me he'd had an affair with a friend of mine. He said he wanted to get it out in the open. I was devastated. I felt hurt and betrayed, as though he had unburdened his soul at my expense.
It has taken years for our marriage to recover, and my husband will tell you that I don't look at him the way I used to, and I wish he had never confessed. My advice to "Ain't Misbehavin"' is to learn to deal with her guilt, don't ever do it again, and put some distance between her family and the other man. L.H.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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